WARNING: some foul language and explicit images may be included****
My previous version of What the DM’s have become so popular due to the humour, and my responses. I always attempt to keep things light-hearted. In fact, there is so much seriousness every day that a little humour goes a long way. However, most of the time I either block and delete the nonsense I receive or I take the folks on. The following screenshots are a few examples of what I (and I assure you – many other women) receive. Now the most common comments I receive when I post the unjust behaviour of other men, would be: “why don’t you block them”? “just ignore them”, “don’t waste your energy on that”.
I have said this many times, my passions and my social standing has resulted in me speaking up for those who can’t or are not heard. Yes, perhaps my energy can be spent elsewhere…OR perhaps I may make a difference to one person by making them understand that it is NOT OKAY. Below I’ve posted the most recent offenders.
Often in these messages, the sender will try and turn things around or accuse me of either not hearing them out or even suggesting that I am aggressive in my views. Granted that emotion quite often does play a role; I personally try not to allow emotion to get involved as it often obscures a view or can even create irrational behaviour. I do however feel frustrated when an individual starts blaming others for their own behaviour, or excuse their behaviour due to circumstances. The biggest challenge today is that we do not take ownership or responsibility for our own behaviour.
“Be a lady they said. Your skirt is too short. Your shirt is too low. Your pants are too tight. Don’t show so much skin. Don’t show your thighs. Don’t show your breasts. Don’t show your midriff. Don’t show your cleavage. Don’t show your underwear. Don’t show your shoulders. Cover up. Leave something to the imagination. Dress modestly. Don’t be a temptress. Men can’t control themselves.
Men have needs. You look frumpy. Loosen up. Show some skin. Look sexy. Look hot. Don’t be so provocative. You’re asking for it. Wear black. Wear heels. You’re too dressed up. You’re too dressed down. Don’t wear those sweatpants; you look like you’ve let yourself go.
Be a lady they said. Don’t be too fat. Don’t be too thin. Don’t be too large. Don’t be too small. Eat up. Slim down. Stop eating so much. Don’t eat too fast. Order a salad. Don’t eat carbs. Skip dessert. You need to lose weight. Fit into that dress. Go on a diet. Watch what you eat. Eat celery. Chew gum. Drink lots of water. You have to fit into those jeans. God, you look like a skeleton. Why don’t you just eat? You look emaciated. You look sick. Eat a burger. Men like women with some meat on their bones. Be small. Be light. Be little. Be petite. Be feminine. Be a size zero. Be a double zero. Be nothing. Be less than nothing.
Be a lady they said. Remove your body hair. Shave your legs. Shave your armpits. Shave your bikini line. Wax your face. Wax your arms. Wax your eyebrows. Get rid of your mustache. Bleach this. Bleach that. Lighten your skin. Tan your skin. Eradicate your scars. Cover your stretch marks. Tighten your abs. Plump your lips. Botox your wrinkles. Lift your face. Tuck your tummy. Thin your thighs. Tone your calves. Perk up your boobs. Look natural. Be yourself. Be genuine. Be confident. You’re trying too hard. You look overdone. Men don’t like girls who try too hard.
Be a lady they said. Wear makeup. Prime your face. Conceal your blemishes. Contour your nose. Highlight your cheekbones. Line your lids. Fill in your brows. Lengthen your lashes. Color your lips. Powder, blush, bronze, highlight. Your hair is too short. Your hair is too long. Your ends are split. Highlight your hair. Your roots are showing. Dye your hair. Not blue, that looks unnatural. You’re going grey. You look so old. Look young. Look youthful. Look ageless. Don’t get old. Women don’t get old. Old is ugly. Men don’t like ugly.
Be a lady they said. Save yourself. Be pure. Be virginal. Don’t talk about sex. Don’t flirt. Don’t be a skank. Don’t be a whore. Don’t sleep around. Don’t lose your dignity. Don’t have sex with too many men. Don’t give yourself away. Men don’t like sluts. Don’t be a prude. Don’t be so up tight. Have a little fun. Smile more. Pleasure men. Be experienced. Be sexual. Be innocent. Be dirty. Be virginal. Be sexy. Be the cool girl. Don’t be like the other girls.
Be a lady they said. Don’t talk too loud. Don’t talk too much. Don’t take up space. Don’t sit like that. Don’t stand like that. Don’t be intimidating. Why are you so miserable? Don’t be a bitch. Don’t be so bossy. Don’t be assertive. Don’t overact. Don’t be so emotional. Don’t cry. Don’t yell. Don’t swear. Be passive. Be obedient. Endure the pain. Be pleasing. Don’t complain. Let him down easy. Boost his ego. Make him fall for you. Men want what they can’t have. Don’t give yourself away. Make him work for it. Men love the chase. Fold his clothes. Cook his dinner. Keep him happy. That’s a woman’s job. You’ll make a good wife some day. Take his last name. You hyphenated your name? Crazy feminist. Give him children. You don’t want children? You will some day. You’ll change your mind.
Be a lady they said. Don’t get raped. Protect yourself. Don’t drink too much. Don’t walk alone. Don’t go out too late. Don’t dress like that. Don’t show too much. Don’t get drunk. Don’t leave your drink. Have a buddy. Walk where it is well lit. Stay in the safe neighborhoods. Tell someone where you’re going. Bring pepper spray. Buy a rape whistle. Hold your keys like a weapon. Take a self-defense course. Check your trunk. Lock your doors. Don’t go out alone. Don’t make eye contact. Don’t bat your eyelashes. Don’t look easy. Don’t attract attention. Don’t work late. Don’t crack dirty jokes. Don’t smile at strangers. Don’t go out at night. Don’t trust anyone. Don’t say yes. Don’t say no.
Just “be a lady” they said.”
Author- Camille Rainville who has a blog called Writings of a Furious Woman. ❤
I’ve spoken so often about the most often asked questions I am asked. If I really put my mind to it; I’d probably have a small list of questions that I often answer. One of the more difficult ones to answer is: “where do you get the self-confidence”? This is something that I had to teach myself. I’ve always been a slightly different child, and growing up I felt confused that everyone was not like me.
One moment that changed my life was in a junior Biology class the teacher made a comment that no matter how dumb the question feels; one should ask it as someone else likely has the same question and you would be brave enough to ask on all their behalf. This had me thinking… I would since then always put my hand up and ask questions in each class. Just in case there was a shy kid that didn’t know. This often led me to ask more and more and I quickly became known as the inquisitive kid. Needless to say that helped with my confidence as a child. Growing up into a young adult the pressure to feel as normal as everyone else always persisted, and I ended up hanging with the people who I deemed fun and to a certain degree normal. Thank goodness for that as much as we got up to mischief and partied 5 days a week; I learnt very quickly when to say no, when to address certain behaviours and when to put up (some) boundaries. I was a wild child, a free-spirited individual that – when it came down to it – make people happy.
Once I moved to the UK and had a family, I seemed to have lost that sense of adventure and spirit. Having children for some is incredibly empowering, whereas with me it turned me into a self-doubting, meek stay-at-home mum. I had a career in banking, and I was full of lust for life and fell unexpectantly pregnant much to my own dismay. At the time I was married and had a great job, so normal societal sense told me that this was the right way to go…. have babies and become the grown-up I’m supposedly meant to be. I struggled with my pregnancies. Many women enjoy it, though I really did not. Apart from weight gain, my skin broke out and I had acne and pimples for the first time in my life. My hair became super oily, and due to hormones, I was just a miserable angry bitch.
Shortly after my second born, I was diagnosed with Post Natal Depression. This was the second time in my life that I was diagnosed with a form of depression. My husband was often away on business and so I was alone in a foreign county with two young babies and three people I knew I could call my friends. The time came where I had enough. One could only pity yourself that much. I smoked a lot, ate terrible foods and felt lost. Something was going to have to “give”.
Not over night
It was a process of about 5 years where I changed. Probably a lifesaver yet at same the time the beginning of an end. I had enough of doubting myself. During this time I was also diagnosed with Lupus SLE. I had enough of questioning my value, of feeling uncomfortable in my own skin, of not liking who I was, being sick all the time….mentally, emotionally and physically. I decided that I wanted to go back to work. Initially, this caused problems in my relationship however before you knew it I was in a routine and started making friends. With my first salary, I had my nails seen to and had a hair cut. This too caused trouble in my relationship, however, I kept going.
Little things become big things
At first, I had bath time with soaps, and salts and candles. I started purchasing matching underwear. I bought myself something in every shop I had. Even if it was a lip balm or chewing gum. I felt that I had to put some form of value for myself, and it meant investing in myself. I really didn’t care what others thought. It made me feel good. Special. I owned it. And finally worthy. I made a point of looking at myself in the mirror daily at least twice a day, and acknowledge something that I liked. It was my philtrum/cupids bow (the curved portion of your upper lip), my long delicate fingers, my soft earlobes, my beauty spots on my tummy and neck that I started noticing and actually liking. I took my time doing my make-up and started joining Friday afternoon’s at the pub with my colleagues. And this became a routine. I enjoyed allowing myself to be me. To stop guarding what I was saying.
Weight training became non-negotiable. Going out socialising (in any way) at least twice a month was non-negotiable. Ensuring that we had family dates (going out as a family) became non-negotiable and I slowly discovered an incredibly determined and empowered woman within myself. During this process, I lost “friends” and gained fabulously inspirational people who genuinely cared about me winning. I was labelled, I was gossiped about and was told I am vain, had no self-respect as a mother and unwelcome in most of my circles. It took another 5 years for me to let go of that. To accept that some people are happy where they are. Some are envious of the freedom that comes with choosing yourself and loving yourself, and some just do not want you to win. That is okay, because ultimately if those who love you, cannot be happy for you to shine then they do not belong in your life. Similarly, if you cannot be happy for those around you to shine and be UNAPOLOGETICALLY themselves; then you need to question your own self-confidence.
You see, there is no magic quick fix. There its no secret key to self-confidence. It comes down to how you INVEST in yourself, how you LOVE yourself and when you stop listening to how others want you to be and accept who YOU are…and loving every bit of yourself. How do I stand naked in front of a camera? Because I feel great in my skin. I’m not there to seduce you, I am there because I make artistry.
For more of my HOW TO self-confidence workshop; message me privately on [email protected] – I would be happy to help you find yourself.
I was sitting with Bron – my lovely hairdresser and sponsor – who has recently lost her husband to COVID, and chatting about how the past few months have been for pretty much every single person on earth. As Bron would say; “we have all gone through the most”. Before New year’s, I’d see the messages and meme’s on social media where some may say: “waiting to see who’s gone through hell during 2020”.
But is that not just it? As a collective, we’ve all been pushed one way or the other. We’ve been tested and let’s face it, whether you suffer from anxiety or not, you cannot leave your home without feeling the anxiety and tension in the air. What did you do to CHANGE things though? I mean what are you now doing differently that you never dreamt of a year ago?
We have all been forced and to change some of the other routine, habit, outlook, job, hobby etc somewhere along the line. What used to be 9 – 5 (or 8 – 5) for most people have completely changed. From being “against” online or homeschooling to now insisting that we don’t participate in any group gatherings, and having Zoom calls and meetings.
Our household dynamic has changed in many different ways. We’ve become very focussed on what “important” relationships are, and what important quality time is and who you choose to share energy with. That as well as the way we approach any situation. Being confined to your home meant that you are forced to spend many more hours with those at home. It requires patience, understanding and compassion. It requires most of all patience. And some patience. And then some more patience!
More than anything that this has taught us, was how to look at a challenge with fresh eyes. As with everything; there is always a solution. And taking a step back, you either make that call to pursue or leave it, or to approach it differently. And should you “leave” it, what will fill that gap? What new opportunities are there? What must you do or start or create, to fill that space? The human’s abilities are endless, and our minds are something fascinating. And your conscious decisions will ultimately grow your subconscious beliefs. Knowing that you can pretty much do anything that you want to do, is a great foundation to go after either your passions or a gap in the market that you never thought of filling.
Our reality and our normality have changed. It won’t and cannot ever go back to pre-2020. There’s an ever-increasing energy of folks going through awakenings. There’s a massive change coming. You know it. You can feel it. Whether you believe in White Hatters, in PizzaGate, in UFO’s or any of that – or not…
In the interim, make sure that you look after yourself. Your health, and those closest to you. Make sure that you appreciate what you have, however, change what does not serve you. If it does add value – leave it. And more than anything, create an understanding and an environment of compassion. And vibrate at a level of love as much as possible, so that we as a collective can heal the world.
And so I took that leap. A few months ago, I was rather stubborn about the idea of using anything other than my own website, considering I’ve worked so hard to build my brand. I had discussions and debates with Peter (my friend and photographer) and Tyler about the connotation each of the adult platforms had. The suggestion was that I should give it a shot; however to me it meant giving up on my own brand and succumbing to the label of “adult entertainer” or the sex industry.
Now don’t get me wrong… there is – in my view – absolutely NOTHING wrong with the adult industry, sex industry or whatever its is called in your household. I just have my own class, standard and expectations. Covid happened.
Lock down happened, and I ended up learning more on photography and shooting Tyler (photos) for his Patreon and OnlyFans. It amazed me how easy these platforms are. Fast forward a few months and Ty and I found ourselves being asked by various followers to do more “couple shoots”. Unfortunately majority of our work was removed by the FB corporation on their various platforms as our work seemed to be in direct violation of their “sexual acts and nudity” rules and guidelines.
Ty suggested OnlyFans, and our couples page was born. It is such a hit! And easy to use. No discrimination from the creators. And no idiotic followers harassing or complaining or reporting. It’s a friggen breeze! To top it all off? We can freely engage with our members.
I ran the idea past Peter to move all my nude, sensual and erotic work over to OF, and of course Peter was game – also laughed at me since I was so adverse to using it a few month back. I have started moving my members over from this site to the OF site and have rapidly gained a new following. I LOVE IT! You are in complete control, you engage and can offer extras to make extra cash if you chose to or wanted to. I have since found another site that I’m enjoying. Very similar to FB, with no control nor ads and censorship. MeWe is amazing too!
2020 was turbulant year. A trying year however definitely an incredibly innovative year. People were “forced” to think outside the box, too create new methods and ways to create business and of course to c change their thinking. I have also come to realise that I absolutely LOVE being an example of a woman that can be nude, be sensual, be erotic, celebrate all that and still be a mother, a friend, a daughter, a sister, a partner, a girlfriend…. a HUMAN. All my work is of the highest quality. All meh work carries me, my personality, and my lust to showcase the beauty of the human.
Thank you all for your support as always.
Please find my links below to follow me – especially incased FB/IG tries getting rid of me ❤️
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