How much work goes into being an Instagram model, or OnlyFans creator??
So often the industry that I am in, gets glamorised. I suppose it is only natural considering that one is meant to look aesthetically pleasing all the time. So often it is presumed that because of the nature of the photoshoots I do; one can talk to me like I am a weevil. Like I am lesser human than those who are clothed. So often it is presumed that this may be a sexual fantasy or sexual kick for me.
It gets exhausting to interact with men specifically that enjoys sending unwanted genitals pictures. Or starts off with “you are so hot, I’d like to fuck you” or even “let me lick your tits”. Now don’t get me wrong; I understand that I have left that door open, right? As many folks presume that when you take your kit off you are basically dropping your identity as human and you instantly become a sexual internet avatar that only talks in “sex” and has absolutely no feelings. Why would you? You are making people horny after all. Right?
People such as myself spend hours in our privacy preparing for the week you see on social media or the internet. This is spent in ALL areas; including beauty, shopping and wardrobe planning, concept creation and planning, marketing, advertising, web developing, researcher, student. Hours on social media interacting and building following to turn into leads that will turn into paying subscribers (head of your own sales). Planning of photoshoots, planning of collaborations, venue hunting. This does not include your role as a psychologist, family counsellor and relations advisor to your following or subscribers. Now amongst this, you need to include, eating plans, fitness and training, hair, skin, make-up, nails, lashes, self-tan/tanning etc to either enhance or look after your physical attributes.
And you know something, most – if not all of the above – costs money. More so, it is done to create an income. And as we also know as far as business is concerned, where there is a demand there will be a supply tapping into this market can be profitable. It takes a certain type of person with a thicker skin to last or make it a success.
With this profession comes a number of other challenges, including staying friendly, and patient. The effect of internet bullying and social media pressures on mental health is insane. It is not the nearly naked pictures that affect you as much as the abuse from strangers and weird followers that think it is okay to talk to you like you are lesser than anyone else, because you wear less. It is the persistence in keeping your business alive and your sites going by fighting those who keep reporting your content or that trolls you. It’s the pressures of coming up with creativity the someone told you that you are doomed, you are going to hell, that your family must be ashamed of you. For me personally, it is the assumption that because I am such a free spirit that I must be into all kinds of sex shows, lifestyles and kinks. And that I would like to meet up and have sex.
Personally, I feel it is disgusting that the Facebook corporation specifically have so much favourability towards the toxic patriarchal system that allows people to treat women with such little to no respect. A man can DM me and talk abusively to me, send me all kinds of sick videos and pictures. I will report in continually and nothing will be done. The number of times that one has to report anything on any of the Facebook companies and yet nothing is done.
It would interesting to know whether you knew how much goes into being a nude model or an adult content creator. It would be more interesting whether this has made you realise that there is a lot more to this than just taking your kit off.
If you are a content creator – or want to be one, make sure you reach out to Scarlett Moon or me to help you start up.
WARNING: some foul language and explicit images may be included****
My previous version of What the DM’s have become so popular due to the humour, and my responses. I always attempt to keep things light-hearted. In fact, there is so much seriousness every day that a little humour goes a long way. However, most of the time I either block and delete the nonsense I receive or I take the folks on. The following screenshots are a few examples of what I (and I assure you – many other women) receive. Now the most common comments I receive when I post the unjust behaviour of other men, would be: “why don’t you block them”? “just ignore them”, “don’t waste your energy on that”.
I have said this many times, my passions and my social standing has resulted in me speaking up for those who can’t or are not heard. Yes, perhaps my energy can be spent elsewhere…OR perhaps I may make a difference to one person by making them understand that it is NOT OKAY. Below I’ve posted the most recent offenders.
Often in these messages, the sender will try and turn things around or accuse me of either not hearing them out or even suggesting that I am aggressive in my views. Granted that emotion quite often does play a role; I personally try not to allow emotion to get involved as it often obscures a view or can even create irrational behaviour. I do however feel frustrated when an individual starts blaming others for their own behaviour, or excuse their behaviour due to circumstances. The biggest challenge today is that we do not take ownership or responsibility for our own behaviour.
“Be a lady they said. Your skirt is too short. Your shirt is too low. Your pants are too tight. Don’t show so much skin. Don’t show your thighs. Don’t show your breasts. Don’t show your midriff. Don’t show your cleavage. Don’t show your underwear. Don’t show your shoulders. Cover up. Leave something to the imagination. Dress modestly. Don’t be a temptress. Men can’t control themselves.
Men have needs. You look frumpy. Loosen up. Show some skin. Look sexy. Look hot. Don’t be so provocative. You’re asking for it. Wear black. Wear heels. You’re too dressed up. You’re too dressed down. Don’t wear those sweatpants; you look like you’ve let yourself go.
Be a lady they said. Don’t be too fat. Don’t be too thin. Don’t be too large. Don’t be too small. Eat up. Slim down. Stop eating so much. Don’t eat too fast. Order a salad. Don’t eat carbs. Skip dessert. You need to lose weight. Fit into that dress. Go on a diet. Watch what you eat. Eat celery. Chew gum. Drink lots of water. You have to fit into those jeans. God, you look like a skeleton. Why don’t you just eat? You look emaciated. You look sick. Eat a burger. Men like women with some meat on their bones. Be small. Be light. Be little. Be petite. Be feminine. Be a size zero. Be a double zero. Be nothing. Be less than nothing.
Be a lady they said. Remove your body hair. Shave your legs. Shave your armpits. Shave your bikini line. Wax your face. Wax your arms. Wax your eyebrows. Get rid of your mustache. Bleach this. Bleach that. Lighten your skin. Tan your skin. Eradicate your scars. Cover your stretch marks. Tighten your abs. Plump your lips. Botox your wrinkles. Lift your face. Tuck your tummy. Thin your thighs. Tone your calves. Perk up your boobs. Look natural. Be yourself. Be genuine. Be confident. You’re trying too hard. You look overdone. Men don’t like girls who try too hard.
Be a lady they said. Wear makeup. Prime your face. Conceal your blemishes. Contour your nose. Highlight your cheekbones. Line your lids. Fill in your brows. Lengthen your lashes. Color your lips. Powder, blush, bronze, highlight. Your hair is too short. Your hair is too long. Your ends are split. Highlight your hair. Your roots are showing. Dye your hair. Not blue, that looks unnatural. You’re going grey. You look so old. Look young. Look youthful. Look ageless. Don’t get old. Women don’t get old. Old is ugly. Men don’t like ugly.
Be a lady they said. Save yourself. Be pure. Be virginal. Don’t talk about sex. Don’t flirt. Don’t be a skank. Don’t be a whore. Don’t sleep around. Don’t lose your dignity. Don’t have sex with too many men. Don’t give yourself away. Men don’t like sluts. Don’t be a prude. Don’t be so up tight. Have a little fun. Smile more. Pleasure men. Be experienced. Be sexual. Be innocent. Be dirty. Be virginal. Be sexy. Be the cool girl. Don’t be like the other girls.
Be a lady they said. Don’t talk too loud. Don’t talk too much. Don’t take up space. Don’t sit like that. Don’t stand like that. Don’t be intimidating. Why are you so miserable? Don’t be a bitch. Don’t be so bossy. Don’t be assertive. Don’t overact. Don’t be so emotional. Don’t cry. Don’t yell. Don’t swear. Be passive. Be obedient. Endure the pain. Be pleasing. Don’t complain. Let him down easy. Boost his ego. Make him fall for you. Men want what they can’t have. Don’t give yourself away. Make him work for it. Men love the chase. Fold his clothes. Cook his dinner. Keep him happy. That’s a woman’s job. You’ll make a good wife some day. Take his last name. You hyphenated your name? Crazy feminist. Give him children. You don’t want children? You will some day. You’ll change your mind.
Be a lady they said. Don’t get raped. Protect yourself. Don’t drink too much. Don’t walk alone. Don’t go out too late. Don’t dress like that. Don’t show too much. Don’t get drunk. Don’t leave your drink. Have a buddy. Walk where it is well lit. Stay in the safe neighborhoods. Tell someone where you’re going. Bring pepper spray. Buy a rape whistle. Hold your keys like a weapon. Take a self-defense course. Check your trunk. Lock your doors. Don’t go out alone. Don’t make eye contact. Don’t bat your eyelashes. Don’t look easy. Don’t attract attention. Don’t work late. Don’t crack dirty jokes. Don’t smile at strangers. Don’t go out at night. Don’t trust anyone. Don’t say yes. Don’t say no.
Just “be a lady” they said.”
Author- Camille Rainville who has a blog called Writings of a Furious Woman. ❤
I’ve spoken so often about the most often asked questions I am asked. If I really put my mind to it; I’d probably have a small list of questions that I often answer. One of the more difficult ones to answer is: “where do you get the self-confidence”? This is something that I had to teach myself. I’ve always been a slightly different child, and growing up I felt confused that everyone was not like me.
One moment that changed my life was in a junior Biology class the teacher made a comment that no matter how dumb the question feels; one should ask it as someone else likely has the same question and you would be brave enough to ask on all their behalf. This had me thinking… I would since then always put my hand up and ask questions in each class. Just in case there was a shy kid that didn’t know. This often led me to ask more and more and I quickly became known as the inquisitive kid. Needless to say that helped with my confidence as a child. Growing up into a young adult the pressure to feel as normal as everyone else always persisted, and I ended up hanging with the people who I deemed fun and to a certain degree normal. Thank goodness for that as much as we got up to mischief and partied 5 days a week; I learnt very quickly when to say no, when to address certain behaviours and when to put up (some) boundaries. I was a wild child, a free-spirited individual that – when it came down to it – make people happy.
Once I moved to the UK and had a family, I seemed to have lost that sense of adventure and spirit. Having children for some is incredibly empowering, whereas with me it turned me into a self-doubting, meek stay-at-home mum. I had a career in banking, and I was full of lust for life and fell unexpectantly pregnant much to my own dismay. At the time I was married and had a great job, so normal societal sense told me that this was the right way to go…. have babies and become the grown-up I’m supposedly meant to be. I struggled with my pregnancies. Many women enjoy it, though I really did not. Apart from weight gain, my skin broke out and I had acne and pimples for the first time in my life. My hair became super oily, and due to hormones, I was just a miserable angry bitch.
Shortly after my second born, I was diagnosed with Post Natal Depression. This was the second time in my life that I was diagnosed with a form of depression. My husband was often away on business and so I was alone in a foreign county with two young babies and three people I knew I could call my friends. The time came where I had enough. One could only pity yourself that much. I smoked a lot, ate terrible foods and felt lost. Something was going to have to “give”.
Not over night
It was a process of about 5 years where I changed. Probably a lifesaver yet at same the time the beginning of an end. I had enough of doubting myself. During this time I was also diagnosed with Lupus SLE. I had enough of questioning my value, of feeling uncomfortable in my own skin, of not liking who I was, being sick all the time….mentally, emotionally and physically. I decided that I wanted to go back to work. Initially, this caused problems in my relationship however before you knew it I was in a routine and started making friends. With my first salary, I had my nails seen to and had a hair cut. This too caused trouble in my relationship, however, I kept going.
Little things become big things
At first, I had bath time with soaps, and salts and candles. I started purchasing matching underwear. I bought myself something in every shop I had. Even if it was a lip balm or chewing gum. I felt that I had to put some form of value for myself, and it meant investing in myself. I really didn’t care what others thought. It made me feel good. Special. I owned it. And finally worthy. I made a point of looking at myself in the mirror daily at least twice a day, and acknowledge something that I liked. It was my philtrum/cupids bow (the curved portion of your upper lip), my long delicate fingers, my soft earlobes, my beauty spots on my tummy and neck that I started noticing and actually liking. I took my time doing my make-up and started joining Friday afternoon’s at the pub with my colleagues. And this became a routine. I enjoyed allowing myself to be me. To stop guarding what I was saying.
Weight training became non-negotiable. Going out socialising (in any way) at least twice a month was non-negotiable. Ensuring that we had family dates (going out as a family) became non-negotiable and I slowly discovered an incredibly determined and empowered woman within myself. During this process, I lost “friends” and gained fabulously inspirational people who genuinely cared about me winning. I was labelled, I was gossiped about and was told I am vain, had no self-respect as a mother and unwelcome in most of my circles. It took another 5 years for me to let go of that. To accept that some people are happy where they are. Some are envious of the freedom that comes with choosing yourself and loving yourself, and some just do not want you to win. That is okay, because ultimately if those who love you, cannot be happy for you to shine then they do not belong in your life. Similarly, if you cannot be happy for those around you to shine and be UNAPOLOGETICALLY themselves; then you need to question your own self-confidence.
You see, there is no magic quick fix. There its no secret key to self-confidence. It comes down to how you INVEST in yourself, how you LOVE yourself and when you stop listening to how others want you to be and accept who YOU are…and loving every bit of yourself. How do I stand naked in front of a camera? Because I feel great in my skin. I’m not there to seduce you, I am there because I make artistry.
For more of my HOW TO self-confidence workshop; message me privately on [email protected] – I would be happy to help you find yourself.
I was sitting with Bron – my lovely hairdresser and sponsor – who has recently lost her husband to COVID, and chatting about how the past few months have been for pretty much every single person on earth. As Bron would say; “we have all gone through the most”. Before New year’s, I’d see the messages and meme’s on social media where some may say: “waiting to see who’s gone through hell during 2020”.
But is that not just it? As a collective, we’ve all been pushed one way or the other. We’ve been tested and let’s face it, whether you suffer from anxiety or not, you cannot leave your home without feeling the anxiety and tension in the air. What did you do to CHANGE things though? I mean what are you now doing differently that you never dreamt of a year ago?
We have all been forced and to change some of the other routine, habit, outlook, job, hobby etc somewhere along the line. What used to be 9 – 5 (or 8 – 5) for most people have completely changed. From being “against” online or homeschooling to now insisting that we don’t participate in any group gatherings, and having Zoom calls and meetings.
Our household dynamic has changed in many different ways. We’ve become very focussed on what “important” relationships are, and what important quality time is and who you choose to share energy with. That as well as the way we approach any situation. Being confined to your home meant that you are forced to spend many more hours with those at home. It requires patience, understanding and compassion. It requires most of all patience. And some patience. And then some more patience!
More than anything that this has taught us, was how to look at a challenge with fresh eyes. As with everything; there is always a solution. And taking a step back, you either make that call to pursue or leave it, or to approach it differently. And should you “leave” it, what will fill that gap? What new opportunities are there? What must you do or start or create, to fill that space? The human’s abilities are endless, and our minds are something fascinating. And your conscious decisions will ultimately grow your subconscious beliefs. Knowing that you can pretty much do anything that you want to do, is a great foundation to go after either your passions or a gap in the market that you never thought of filling.
Our reality and our normality have changed. It won’t and cannot ever go back to pre-2020. There’s an ever-increasing energy of folks going through awakenings. There’s a massive change coming. You know it. You can feel it. Whether you believe in White Hatters, in PizzaGate, in UFO’s or any of that – or not…
In the interim, make sure that you look after yourself. Your health, and those closest to you. Make sure that you appreciate what you have, however, change what does not serve you. If it does add value – leave it. And more than anything, create an understanding and an environment of compassion. And vibrate at a level of love as much as possible, so that we as a collective can heal the world.