Bloom full length

I find it so peculiar when I receive a message from a follower that applauds me and tells me I inspire people. Not for the fact that perhaps I do have a voice and the following to influence, but for the mere fact that since I can remember I have stood up and voiced my thoughts and beliefs. I was told from an early age that I should not draw too much attention, that I should not “get cheeky”, that things are the way they are because it’s supposed to be so. Girls do not do that. They do not talk like that. And they certainly don’t ask “that type of question”.

During high school I felt rather left out – well I felt left out in general as I was different, and as most of my peers went through puberty, I did not… I remember in our PE classes (physical education – basically sports and training) the girls would ask one another for tampons or pads. All in a very hushed tone. Like it was smuggling drugs, or selling something from the black market…like an organ…maybe even a uterus!! Now as far as memory served me, I knew about 99% of female born humans would have a menstrual cycle once they become an adult human – or of childbearing age. Why were they all whispering? Why were they so embarrassed? It’s not like anyone even knew you had your period?

I stood there wondering what it was like having a period and also what it was like to have to buy these menstruation things. Though we did have sex education in primary school, my mind was still stuck on the fact that when your body starts producing the right equipment for having a child, it would mean that you would be ready to have sex. And my knowledge of sex was, unfortunately, that of evil. I felt ashamed thinking of the deed. As a group of girls, we’d usually whisper about “IT”. “Did you hear that so and so hooked up at the last party and did…..”IT”?” Now, of course, we were fully aware of the dangers of unprotected sex, yet it was more the act of having sex….. and people actually LOVED it! It must be a problem if you liked it. Eeeeeeeew…how could you even CHOOSE to have it. Especially when you are not MARRIED????

I eventually; as a late bloomer; started my menstrual cycle and hated it. It was a messy affair. It was gross and disgusting. Why? I don’t know…because they said it is (they – who are “they”? The people in the forest?). I eventually suffered from quite a very heavy flow which created a painful experience and more often than not I became a mess. So of course during the latter part of high school; when you’re emotional or “bitchy” people would say “she must be on her period”, or “is it that time of the month?” Actually; correction…THE BOYS would say that. Combined with the idea of girls smelling like fish. Or that once a girl has breasts she’d “be up for it”. The notion that if a girl has sexual curiosity she must be easy. She must be experienced and up for it.

My strange and odd personality and views resulted in me being friends with more of the boys than the girls. Only as I had no problem to talk as frank as boys did. The downside was of course that I heard all the skinner (gossip) of who was easy, who slept with who, who smelt awful, who could not kiss and all that other awful things. Thinking back now I cannot understand how these boys were taught by their parents. Or rather NOT taught by their parents. Then again, one quickly also realise how flawed our societal expectations and views are that of women.

Why are women treated like they are filthy, dirty, easy, no morals, no respect when she embraces who she is? Why do you not have any self-respect when you openly discuss your menstrual cycle or feel free to discuss how many people you have slept with. Why would a woman be responsible for a man’s thinking when she decides to be naked, semi-naked or fully clothed? “You should have known better, dressing like that” – what the heck should I have known? That a man did not have control over his own thoughts? Why is it that when a woman walks around with little clothing she would be automatically be dismissed as “easy”? Easy what? Or experienced…experienced?

Mid Bloom

Since leaving school I have come to realise that sex is beautiful, sex is amazing and sex can be incredibly enriching. As youngsters, it is within our human nature to want to experiment and that would extend to your taste in clothes, your taste in alcohol and/or drugs, your taste in music, your taste in people you want to hang with and your taste in being intimate with another human. Being with someone from the opposite sex and being with someone of the same sex. I truly believe that most humans have at the very least been bi-curious if not already tried it. Why are men freely able to discuss their genitals and what they’d do with it, how often they use it on several humans and how they love masturbating, yet it’s an absolute taboo topic for women?

The unfortunate thing about all this is that us women were lied to. We were led to believe that when we have our menstrual cycle you have to be hushed about it. Its is embarrassing and no one needs to know about this. Several of my girlfriends would tell you that when they had the first period they thought they were going to die or something was wrong with them. When they told their mum’s their mummy would hush them and quickly give them a supply of pads.

We were lied to. We were told that you should never have sex before marriage. That you are “unclean” if you had premarital sex. Women should not have many sexual partners. It is dirty and you must be a slag. A slut. Lekker lus. Easy. Stretched. Used. We were lied to. We were told that you should sit like that. A lady does not talk like that. You run like a girl. A girl does not bend like that. When you wear little to no clothing you should not expect any sympathy when you are sexually assaulted or abused. If you are bullied and called names, it is your fault for being so comfortable in your skin. Come on! Leave something for the imagination ….wait, on this last point….how creepy of you sir! So I must conform to your social expectation of being dressed “appropriately” so that you can fantasize about me? We’ve been lied to!! I hear you say don’t wear make-up, you look beautiful natural, however, I cannot have underarm hair or leg hair? I should leave my hair loose and long as it’s beautiful so natural, but I must not have a mono-brow nor fine little hairs above my top lip? We are told to be ourselves and be happy with who we are but have you seen that girl that is a size 20 and wearing shorts?? She’s not tanned??? Or the girl whose ribs are showing? Give her a burger!!

Zoom in Bloom

The biggest lie I was told was that I was not good enough. And due to my sexual history of abuse, no one would ever “want” me. That enjoying being nude and creating art, means I have no self-respect and “what would your children say?” The biggest lie I was told was that you are not allowed – as a woman – to stand up and be proud of your period, having sex AND PLENTY OF IT, being naked and being comfortable with all of the above. Shaved or not. Make-up or not. And have a voice.

I am a woman. I am very proud of being one. I love sex. I love swearing. I love being naked. Sometimes I don’t shave. Once a month I have a menstrual cycle. I am not dirty. I am not “a slut”. I love being in touch with my femininity and my masculinity.

Spread the love