Nudity still deserves respect

Nudity still deserves respect

Whilst I am under no disillusion that my images may evoke all kinds of sexual attention and feelings, it never ceases to amaze me how random strange people will start following my account(s) on social media and feel it is okay to tell me all kinds of things that I am pretty sure they’d never say to me in person. Or to anyone for that matter.

Over the past two days, Facebook decided to mix up the algorithm, and suddenly one received a million new follow requests. With that, I know comes a whole bunch of thirsty individuals who either think that a page like mine’s sole purpose is to either start “chatting”, to “sex chat” or to hook up one way or the other. Now whilst for some it may actually work, I have not met a single lady that’s into that or that any of these creepy messages work for.

What I’ve discovered even more surprising and in many instances; infuriating is that my type of content – these guys feel – give them the reason to talk like that. It appears that their ability to be grown-ass adults goes completely amiss once a woman posts pictures on social media of their naked skin or a glimpse of breasts/buttocks.

What I have realised is that because it’s only of late, that it has become more of a norm for people to venture into the adult side of things, that most of the “average” Joe Soap do not really know how to deal with it. Whether or not they should dirty talk, is that what people want? Or whether or not you compliment private areas on a body in public since this individual is clearly that comfortable with sharing it online.

Following my “What-the-DM” blogs, it is clear that some really don’t give a toss as in their opinion you are out there to show off sexually therefore you deserve to be spoken to in a certain way. It infuriates me so much as it seems that a lot of people need to be taught to work on their way of thinking. The age-old “if you dress that way, you can’t complain” still sticks in this type of peoples minds.

I often wonder if these guys would have the balls to say what they say to nudist/adult workers in person should they ever meet them? Or whether they’d be surprised that the purpose of some of these images is definitely not intending to receive disrespectful comments or messages. And why if you thought that the intention was for attention, would it be okay to use disgusting language?

So how would one expect to be spoken to should you post naked/adult content? Well, in short; the same way that a person who sits in church does. I have never asked or pointed out to people to focus on various parts of my body nor have I called those parts ugly words as one would do on the most famous adult websites. Therefore I expect you as the viewer to respect that at least. Though expectations always set one up for disappointment 😂

Many have told me before that because I have chosen this industry, I should not be so hurt nor surprised when men become uncontrollably horny and talk to me in that fashion. “After all, isn’t that what you want or what drives traffic to your OF site?” No, I do not want or need anyone to give me the dirty sexual energy of that of lust. Nor is my work of the nature where I want that type of audience. HOWEVER, even if that was my audience I would imagine that I would STILL want and deserve respect and be spoken to in a kind and respectful manner.

And in conclusion; most of these followers seem to want to “go for a coffee”. Out experience, most of the followers can’t even have a decent conversation on a social media site, can’t understand many of the topics that I study or talk about and have no idea how to do most things other than talk about “pussy”. I also doubt that they’d know what to do with someone like me. I am opinionated, I am feisty, and I know exactly what I deserve. Furthermore – would you be able to introduce someone like me to your parents or family? And know that all my naked photos are on the internet 😂😝

S E X

Standing in a queue waiting to pay for something I hear the conversation somewhere behind me. “He wanted to ….. talk about….you know {hushed voice} es – ee -ex… I look over to see who this person was that was clearly so embarrassed to mention one of us human’s most natural normal functions, only to look into middle-aged lady eyes. She went all shades of scarlet and I could see she wanted the earth to swallow her whole.

I mentioned this to my kids, and my 19-year-old daughter stated that they have discussed it several times with friends, and it seems most of them (the friends) feel uneasy not only to talk about sex but to even think about sex. Granted they are still young and do not have nearly enough life experience. Their parents apparently never really felt comfortable enough to talk about sex other than the basics that we are offered in sex-ed at school. Their parents have also created such a “secretive” vibe around that subject that the kids are so curious yet scared and feel pressure due to expectations.

However would it not be an idea to start educating the younger generation about something that’s so important and literally part of EVERY SINGLE HUMAN’S life (regardless of your sexual preferences, sexual tendencies or whether it involves penetration/masturbation/fantasising?) This being an age-appropriate subject and discussion, could potentially create better self-awareness, self-confidence and ultimately stronger romantic relationships with the “correct” partners.

A week later I meet up with a friend and we catch up a little as we have not seen one another for a few months. I tell him that I have decided to continue my studies in psychology for me to counsel couples as well as focussing on sexual counselling and sexual healing, predominantly from a spiritual approach. As I tell him this I tell him about the incident of the lady whispering her voice. He laughs and points out that I was doing exactly the same! I look around and state well we are sitting in one of the busiest restaurants in Fourways, and he asks me how is that different?

So as I smile whilst looking at all of this, as I understand that perhaps I may talk freely about my sexual relations and what goes on behind closed doors, it must of course be per each person comfort level as well as “the right time and the right place”. That being said, I wonder whether a person can be taught and shown that sex is really nothing to be embarrassed or ashamed of. In fact, it is something spectacularly beautiful. Something that we were indoctrinated to believe is a sin most of the time. Something that the patriarchal system tricked you into believing is something that should be hidden and only done for the sake of procreation only.

Furthermore, if someone could teach you how to not only discover your pleasure spots and areas but also teach you how to have CONSCIOUS and MINDFUL sex or intimate engagement, how it would change your entire world, the way you perceive connections and bring you closer to Source, to your own higher self and to the person you have a beautiful vibrational connection with?

There is of course plenty of research out there that will confirm that various aspects and various factors have a role to play in why the general public may feel so reluctant in opening themselves up to be more honest and open. Not only about sex, but about everything that goes along with sex, your sexual curiosities, your sexual preferences etc. And how to even start discovering the “deeper” more authentic you (pardon the pun). I suppose this will fall in line with something that I want to succeed at.

What is a “real woman”

What is a “real woman”

Every Women’s Month we are reminded – more than usual – how we as women need to stand up and rise. How us as women should go for our goals and dreams. How we should all stand up for one another and empower each other. We are reminded of the current femicide; the gender inequality that we face and the sexual violence and attacks on us women and on children. It’s amazing to see how more and more women do indeed embrace themselves and start standing up for one another. From a personal point of view I’ve always felt that we can all win. There is no “competition”.

Over the last little while I have however noticed how easy it is for women to throw around the “men-are-trash” terms and love to jump onto that bandwagon when it suits them; however some of the same women would post: “A real women would never…” or the whole body-shaming and slut-shaming thing. One can only deduct that this type of opinions would certainly be of those how have not felt adequate enough or perhaps even insecure themselves. I’d really love to know how any of these ladies actually stand up for other women and cheer for them – regardless if it’s something they would personally do or not do.

I find it ironic how many of these ladies demand respect and recognition for being a Queen. For being empowered and independent; yet have no problem pointing out the unruliness of another empowered woman. When another woman’s courage becomes a “vanity” problem; or someone’s self-confidence is suddenly highlighted as “no self-respect”. Earlier this evening I read on a lady’s post that “real women do not need the validation from other people, therefore, they do not seek attention by wearing little clothing”. Is that not just loaded with “I wish I could be brave enough to dress whichever way I want to and not care what others think whilst winning”?

This leads me to the two questions: 1. Since when has the amount of clothing made you more or less successful invalidating your own feelings or your self worth? 2. How does the amount of clothing you wear or the amount of skin make you less or more valuable as an individual? How does said woman praise and shout for women empowerment yet at the same time shoot any lady down that shows a little more skin than she would dare? This also sounds like the very same woman that may just say that the amount of clothing you wear would be equal to the amount of respect you earn/deserve.

Recently I have discussed the numbers of women who are raped in South Africa per annum (note that due to the number of cases that are not reported; it is not possible to give a correct number of possible rapes per hour/day/month/year) and consequently to that the number of gender-based violence.

Population-based surveys show very high levels of intimate partner violence (IPV) and non-partner sexual violence (SV) in particular, with IPV being the most common form of violence against women.

  • Whilst people of all genders perpetrate and experience intimate partner and or sexual violence, men are most often the perpetrators and women and children the victims
  • More than half of all the women murdered (56%) in 2009 were killed by an intimate male partner
  • Between 25% and 40% of South African women have experienced sexual and/or physical IPV (intimate partner violence) in their lifetime
  • Just under 50% of women report having ever experienced emotional or economic abuse at the hands of their intimate partners in their lifetime
  • Prevalence estimates of rape in South Africa range between 12% and 28% of women ever reporting being raped in their lifetime
  • Between 28 and 37% of adult men report having raped a woman
  • Non-partner SV is particularly common, but reporting to the police is very low. One study found that one in 13 women in Gauteng had reported non-partner rape, and only one in 25 ┬árapes had been reported to the police
  • South Africa also faces a high prevalence of gang rape
  • Most men who rape do so for the first time as teenagers and almost all men who ever rape do so by their mid-20s
  • There is limited research into rape targeting women who have sex with women. One study across four Southern African countries, including South Africa, found that 31.1% of women reported having experienced forced sex
  • Male victims of rape are another under-studied group. One survey in KwaZulu-Natal and the Eastern Cape found that 9.6% of men reported having experienced sexual victimisation by another man

What the stats above do not show are the number of women who are verbally or psychologically abused by other women. How people are targeted, bullied and called out on social media for the way they live their life or for what they choose to post about themselves on social media. How women would rather band together and stand up with other men; slut-shaming women who post selfies and/or “sexy” images on social media, than standing up for those women. It’s easy to say “men-are-trash” when a guy makes a funny by posting a “women belong in the kitchen” joke, yet it is okay to agree with the same guy calling out another woman who has found self-confidence and enjoys posting about herself/her outfit/her weight gain or loss/her sock and shoes/the food she eats/the competition she took part in etc etc. One of the latest repetitive posts I see is “I’m so tired of all these selfies with quotes and all you see is bum and boobs” or “show me a real woman who does not feel like she needs validation or attention from the whole world by showing off her body”. What does that even mean? What makes a woman a “real” woman?

I feel our country specifically is facing a tough time. Apart from the global economical damage that we are facing, the all-time high unemployment rate that is continually rising and our own government’s crimes and corruption; we are facing a particular tricky era where we as women are rising. Standing up against the oppression of what our fore-mothers faced. We are in an incredible era where we as women have more of a voice than ever before. Yet here you are, spitting on another queen who’s rising in her own time on her own terms in her own way. Standing with all the aggression against other women. What kind of empowerment are you after? Why demand equality, justice and empowerment when you stand up and laugh other women down. Calling them out for believing in themselves? Knocking them down for owning who they are? What is a “real woman”? One who can clap for another woman, without judgement, without malice and without misogyny.

Social Media’s hold

Social Media’s hold

Captured by
Boudoir Fusion Photography
Inked by Tony from
Awhe Tattoo Studio

I’ve recently decided that I have too many eggs in one basket and too many fingers in a pie. And as much as it’s brilliant to think that I am a “Jack of all trades”- reality is that where you focus you grow. And unfortunately it is impossible to grow in too many avenues.

I have had to deal with a few personal challenges which caused another Lupus flare. This consisted of mostly extreme fatigue, flu-like symptoms, aching joints and recently swollen face. Not being able to sleep comfortably yet feeling so incredibly exhausted really took its toll. Then the social media frustrations…

As most of you know; I’ve taken a short break from Social Media. This was prompted after the frustration of not being able to follow other accounts, like others’ posts at times and not being able to comment on other’s posts. Should you not know this; these actions are all integral for the growth of your social media profiles. (Besides the fact that I actually enjoy interacting with my followers.)

I do not take it [social media] too seriously; however I do depend on getting work through some of my social media pages. This all led to me deciding on a little detox. Now as much as such a decision is rather easy; allot of my close friends continue checking up on me asking me whether I’m “coping” without my Social Media accounts. Was I really that much on those platforms that people thought I’d struggle?

Whilst all of this is said with tongue in cheek, one of the scariest realisations recently is that people place so much value on social media that they actually identify their social standing or even their life accomplishments on being “available, present and seen” on their profiles. Their “likes” and “followers” become such an obsession that they begin to identify themselves with it! Studies have now shown that teen depression and teen suicidal tendencies are at its highest ever. This largely due to the pressure of a “false life” on social media.

Captured by
Boudoir Fusion Photography
Inked by Tony from
Awhe Tattoo Studio

You see it way too often on the story lines. You see someone you idolise at some prominent restaurant and perhaps take a short video of sipping on some exotic drink with bags of shopping around them. This now seems very ideal; and probably cool to the average teen, who copies this. Only they try and emulate what they saw. Perhaps trying on the newest brand clothing and posting it as if they have just bought it. Another peer sees this and envies this. Perhaps goes to a bespoke bar and takes a snap insinuating that they dine there. This is seen by others who now feel so depressed that they are unable to afford these kind of life styles exhibited by their peers. And so the circle continues. Talking to people “in the know”, social media is still so new that these issues that come along with it is just as new, and our experts have no experience in treating this. Or very little at the moment.

It’s become quite evident how Social Media can take over and how one can allow it to affect them. Taking breaks and also limiting the amount of time you “check” on what’s going on, “checking in” to see what is going on, and “checking new likes and follows”, all will benefit your mental health I assure you. What I have personally realised from this is that when I have a spare moment I usually grab my phone and try catching up.

When I announced that I’d take a break, I deleted every social media application off my phone. This not only takes away temptation to “just quickly check what’s going on”, but also in those moments that you’d forget about your decision. I am so surprised that I have continuously had a couple moments free time and automatically went for my phone to catch up, only to see a void where the apps were – and feeling literally confused and lost. Like what now? What can I do with the time I used to spend on Instagram or Facebook or Twitter?

With most smart phones now; you are able to gauge how much time is spent on your phone, and reminders “to take breaks”.

This break from my virtual reality made me realise that I’m not only “detoxing” from Social Media, I’m freeing up “thinking space” and allowing my creative juices to flow freely. Less human interaction – which in reality exhausted me – and more ME time. Whilst social media is an integral part of what I do; I will from now on take one day completely away from all social media, as well as once a month take a four day break. I’d suggest to anyone and everyone to do the same. Take days completely away from Social Media – to allow your mind a break as well as to connect with nature/family/real life/ hobbies etc. It is so easy to get carried away with this virtual reality. So easy to loose sight of YOU. So easy to get caught up in other people’s (pretend?) lives and neglect your own self.

Captured by
Boudoir Fusion Photography
Inked by Tony from
Awhe Tattoo Studio
What is a “real woman”

Your Understanding vs My Reality

Many a times I am asked the strangest questions; (strange to me) about what I do – or I hear the assumptions and can’t help but have a giggle.

To understand what I do, is to understand why I am doing what I do first. Have I lost you? What I mean is that when you look at my work, my posts on Instagram and my website; there is a general assumption as to what I do without realising what I actually do.

In the past I’ve received private messages on Social Media…

Asking for explicit images of me sometimes posing in suggestive ways. Usually this amuses me; and I always ask what gave them the idea that I’d do that or that I’m a porn star. And usually the response would be that I shouldn’t get offended as I am the one “asking for it” by posting nude images of myself. My first question would usually be : where did I show my genitals and second question : where do I pleasure myself.

You see, we as humans, and we as society have been lied to for so many years that we actually believe that the human body is a dirty, sinful thing when not covered with fabric. We have taught generations of children to be ashamed of themselves. To be embarrassed with what we were born with. That evil creatures will lurk around any corner and will pounce on you for showing a little too much skin. That there would be justification for those acts! You asked for it after all by “exposing” some of what you were born with!!

I was asked in a recent interview what I’d tell anyone who condemns what I do or brand my work as pornography. The difficult thing is that I cannot change society’s mind single handily. I do however believe that if we brought our children up to love their own bodies, and not to be ashamed of their bodies, that we respect each other’s naked bodies – not by hiding it but accepting it as natural and normal. Not to sexualise nudity and skin; that it would solve so many of our crimes and the worlds issues today.

Think about it…

There would be less sexual crimes, less depression due to self esteem issues, less self harm and eating disorders. Imagine a world with more confidence and acceptance of one self? We would have so much more success in every business sector! So many more people would achieve their dreams and optimum productivity!

Captured by Boudoir Fusion Photography

I digress. Years ago when I posed for a boudoir shoot, and whilst changing outfits, the photographer of the day asked whether he could take a shot (picture) of me. My back was facing him and I was dressed in only my knickers. I felt a little shy yet intrigued. I’ve never really had an issue with being naked; yet I’ve never actually thought of being photographed naked.

Once I got changed into my next outfit the photographer showed me on the LCD viewer what he had taken of me whilst topless. It was a gorgeous shot. It summed up to me; what I see in women. Soft, elegant, warm, feminine, sensual, love, beauty all in one. I was amazed that THAT was me! And so I was happy to shoot implied nude. After realising that this not only motivated me to share the beauty of a woman, but also to encourage other women – who do not have self confidence – that they are in fact beautiful in their own skin!

After a few months of shooting boudoir and implied nude; I met Peter from Boudoir Fusion Photography who took my first bodyscape images and I was blown away! Never mind that the images I was looking at; was of me!!! However; the human body is so darn beautiful. And every other bodyscape that Peter have done, took my breath away. I quickly learned that my art, my expression through my modelling and the images taken by me, can show emotion and can evoke emotion.

When you look at my work…

I would like to believe that most people see past the ‘nakedness’. That you notice the colours, the shapes, the textures in the images. That you are able to feel or notice whether there is sorrow, or happiness. Whether the image is more of a fine art piece to be hung on a wall of a surgeons office, or something that could be looked at or admired from your mobile phone screen, used in an advertising campaign empowering women, or used as a PC screensaver. That you can believe that I’m more than a ‘naked woman’; someone who at the age of 39 believes wholeheartedly that ANYONE can love themselves and is art. That anyone – no matter what your age, your size or your background – can love the skin that they are in. That nudity DOES NOT equal sexuality.

I love modelling, photography and matters of the heart and mind. I love art. I love the human body. Combine all of these; and you will find what I do. This is only the beginning…