I have been on this very exciting spiritual journey – which I believe most of us have. Especially the past few years it seems more and more of the collective have woken up to the fact that we need to be more present and more mindful amongst many other things.
My spiritual quest started when I was really young however only recently did I have this desire, this thirst to learn as much as I can about quantum physics, parallel realities, energy dimensions, reverse ageing etc. And mindful & sacred sex. The type that leaves you feeling like you are high on something. The type where it feels like you can see neutrons firing away when you close your eyes. The type that requires connections that is beyond the physical. That is beyond lust. That is beyond the need to physically enter each other. That creates deeper and more beautiful bonds between lovers.
So what is the difference between normal sex and mindful/sacred sex?
Normal sex acts relieve a person’s sexual urges. It is to expend energy. For one to penetrate the other with the main goal to ejaculate/orgasm. In some instances, the participants/couples aim to do this as quickly as possible. The type of orgasm you experience in normal sex, you cannot go further. You reach the climax of the experience, expel and feel completely spent and exhausted. Most of the time one or both parties would like to rest or sleep. And most of the time both parties mind’s wonder at some or most the duration of the experience.
Mindful sex is not necessarily focused on reaching a peaked orgasm. It is more focused on being continuously present and even reaching a meditative state. In short, mindful sex means being present. During intimacy, your focus becomes on all your senses whilst paying attention to your breathing.
The mental aspect of sex is hugely important in developing and maintaining intimacy and keeping that spark of passion alight. Practising mindfulness and meditation will help you reign your mind back in when it starts to drift and make you more aware and able to be in tune with the sensations and intimacy, rather than being on autopilot. You will find that this will reawaken your bodies and you will start experiencing mutual pleasures without being focused on reaching a climax.
Try this method next time you maturate. And make it a priority to do this as often as you can. (Note that masturbation is not only vital for self-love, it is also a method of discovering yourself and alone time). As with mindful sex, the aim is to feel and experience all your senses whilst focused on your breathing. A great way to try it with your next shower or bath. Pretend it is the first time with your senses. Feel your soapy hand gliding along your skin, inhale the scent of your shampoo, taste the falling water droplets. When your mind starts to wander, bring it back to the sensations.
Lock your bedroom door and lie on your bed. Run your hands down your body and experience the sensations that occur. Feeling everything. No judgement. No criticism and no end goal. Just experience all your senses and take deep breaths in, and let it out slowly.
Sit crossed-legged on the floor and put your hands between the space of your legs. Touch yourself and ask yourself how does it feel? Slowly and deliberately. Remember that the point of this is not to reach an orgasm, but the experience ALL your senses.
These techniques have also shown great success in healing, building self love and self confidence.
Rediscover yourself, and your partner
By practising the above, you will find that both you and your partner may wake your libido should either have a low sex drive, or you may just find you have a fresh new connection with one another. These methods have also proven to bring couples closer, bringing life to an already mundane sex life as well as rekindling the nostalgic feelings of earlier exciting years of a relationship. Furthermore, research has shown that the level of trust changes completely.
Mindful sex with strangers?
Whilst some may argue that one can have mindful sex with someone you have just met, scared sex is ultimately the union between two beings on a spiritual and cellular vibration rather than the physical touch aspect. By participating in mindful sacred sex, you create a spiritual bond and honour each other’s existence. You accept that you are taking from each other’s past energies and meet one another on a vibrational level that the two of you create whilst in the union, focusing on your breath, on your senses and on experiencing the release within you. It is something so special, that you cannot help but feel this experience brings you closer together, closer to your true self and closer to Source.
Whilst I am under no disillusion that my images may evoke all kinds of sexual attention and feelings, it never ceases to amaze me how random strange people will start following my account(s) on social media and feel it is okay to tell me all kinds of things that I am pretty sure they’d never say to me in person. Or to anyone for that matter.
Over the past two days, Facebook decided to mix up the algorithm, and suddenly one received a million new follow requests. With that, I know comes a whole bunch of thirsty individuals who either think that a page like mine’s sole purpose is to either start “chatting”, to “sex chat” or to hook up one way or the other. Now whilst for some it may actually work, I have not met a single lady that’s into that or that any of these creepy messages work for.
What I’ve discovered even more surprising and in many instances; infuriating is that my type of content – these guys feel – give them the reason to talk like that. It appears that their ability to be grown-ass adults goes completely amiss once a woman posts pictures on social media of their naked skin or a glimpse of breasts/buttocks.
What I have realised is that because it’s only of late, that it has become more of a norm for people to venture into the adult side of things, that most of the “average” Joe Soap do not really know how to deal with it. Whether or not they should dirty talk, is that what people want? Or whether or not you compliment private areas on a body in public since this individual is clearly that comfortable with sharing it online.
Following my “What-the-DM” blogs, it is clear that some really don’t give a toss as in their opinion you are out there to show off sexually therefore you deserve to be spoken to in a certain way. It infuriates me so much as it seems that a lot of people need to be taught to work on their way of thinking. The age-old “if you dress that way, you can’t complain” still sticks in this type of peoples minds.
I often wonder if these guys would have the balls to say what they say to nudist/adult workers in person should they ever meet them? Or whether they’d be surprised that the purpose of some of these images is definitely not intending to receive disrespectful comments or messages. And why if you thought that the intention was for attention, would it be okay to use disgusting language?
So how would one expect to be spoken to should you post naked/adult content? Well, in short; the same way that a person who sits in church does. I have never asked or pointed out to people to focus on various parts of my body nor have I called those parts ugly words as one would do on the most famous adult websites. Therefore I expect you as the viewer to respect that at least. Though expectations always set one up for disappointment 😂
Many have told me before that because I have chosen this industry, I should not be so hurt nor surprised when men become uncontrollably horny and talk to me in that fashion. “After all, isn’t that what you want or what drives traffic to your OF site?” No, I do not want or need anyone to give me the dirty sexual energy of that of lust. Nor is my work of the nature where I want that type of audience. HOWEVER, even if that was my audience I would imagine that I would STILL want and deserve respect and be spoken to in a kind and respectful manner.
And in conclusion; most of these followers seem to want to “go for a coffee”. Out experience, most of the followers can’t even have a decent conversation on a social media site, can’t understand many of the topics that I study or talk about and have no idea how to do most things other than talk about “pussy”. I also doubt that they’d know what to do with someone like me. I am opinionated, I am feisty, and I know exactly what I deserve. Furthermore – would you be able to introduce someone like me to your parents or family? And know that all my naked photos are on the internet 😂😝
I feel like this is a “ground dog day” story. The same record is getting stuck on the same spot again. I mean gosh, how many times have I moaned and bitched about Instagram removing not only perfectly censored posts or content that fall well within their rules and guidelines; but also disabling my accounts. I have to date lost 4 Instagram accounts. And due to their computer automated or rather artificial intelligence systems and programmes – you hardly know whether a human would ever even look or address any concerns or complaints.
The worst part about all of this is that content creators such as myself are unfairly targeted for posting images that clearly on their pages states what it is, and adhere to the rules. YET we as women receive unsolicited images from strangers daily, and we report it. And nothing is ever done. NOTHING. You can report it several times over and it will stay. The person gets away with sexual abuse. OR these fake accounts that use your account name and steal your content to attract traffic to fake membership accounts. You keep repeatedly reporting it, and of course, you’re able to prove your identity or the legitimate owner of the account, yet those accounts stay.
I think the first part of 2021 alone my account was removed 5 times? Maybe 7 times? I have had to appeal each time and yet they would keep the old “offensive” content (which they agreed was NOT breaking any of their rules) on your violation list. Therefore, every time some very sour or jealous, or conservative person reports my content I would immediately be disabled. Each time it would take approximately 3 weeks for them to have a look at the appeal and up to 30 days to decide on whether they should disable the account or not.
Looking back over the years, this is utter nonsense as surely from a legal perspective they are not providing the service they mention they aim to. There is nothing about this that is “fair” nor “protecting the diverse user”. Children are legally not allowed on Instagram – their legal age limit is 13. As for religious or cultural groups, this is where we as adults can decide what we choose to see and/or follow and what we do not want to – surely? The fact of the matter remains that I can only foresee that female content creators such as myself will have this challenge forever really. As this corporation seems to be stuck in its ways. Which is rather curious right? It’s the biggest business yet they don’t have anyone to assist? Bizarre…or maybe that is just the excuse.
I have personally spent HOURS on building my brand and my business only to go through this stressful and depressing process several times a year. Each time when I have to appeal I have to sell my case to Instagram: this is a business. “This is my business and I make an income from it. You are withholding my tools to create my income. You are not looking nor attending to any of my concerns.”
Leading up to this latest occasion of my main account being disabled at 27K followers; I reported repeatedly that someone is purposely sabotaging my account. That someone is vindictively going out to report all of my work, which all fall within the rules and guidelines. I have to date not had a single reply nor assistance with regards to the 100’s of reports sent to Instagram requesting help.
A little while back I asked whether someone knew anyone at the Facebook corp that I can reach out to. I had one follower that pointed me in the right direction, however, FB refuse to deal with the public nor address any of the concerns. I suppose it is no new news the corporation is a political entity all by itself that basically can do whatever the hell they want to as legally no one can really touch them. Which is rather sad. And the reality is that as much as I despise their double standards and their prejudice, I still need the platform to drive traffic to my various sites.
Onwards and upwards I suppose. Until we have a team of people that has the hutzpah to take a stand against Instagram/Facebook, we will have to keep putting up with this nonsense. So here’s to rebuilding my following and hoping and praying that my main account will return. And of course, it will mean that I will yet again go through the content and remove anything that is remotely “too sexy” or reveals a little too much skin for a woman.
Every Women’s Month we are reminded – more than usual – how we as women need to stand up and rise. How us as women should go for our goals and dreams. How we should all stand up for one another and empower each other. We are reminded of the current femicide; the gender inequality that we face and the sexual violence and attacks on us women and on children. It’s amazing to see how more and more women do indeed embrace themselves and start standing up for one another. From a personal point of view I’ve always felt that we can all win. There is no “competition”.
Over the last little while I have however noticed how easy it is for women to throw around the “men-are-trash” terms and love to jump onto that bandwagon when it suits them; however some of the same women would post: “A real women would never…” or the whole body-shaming and slut-shaming thing. One can only deduct that this type of opinions would certainly be of those how have not felt adequate enough or perhaps even insecure themselves. I’d really love to know how any of these ladies actually stand up for other women and cheer for them – regardless if it’s something they would personally do or not do.
I find it ironic how many of these ladies demand respect and recognition for being a Queen. For being empowered and independent; yet have no problem pointing out the unruliness of another empowered woman. When another woman’s courage becomes a “vanity” problem; or someone’s self-confidence is suddenly highlighted as “no self-respect”. Earlier this evening I read on a lady’s post that “real women do not need the validation from other people, therefore, they do not seek attention by wearing little clothing”. Is that not just loaded with “I wish I could be brave enough to dress whichever way I want to and not care what others think whilst winning”?
This leads me to the two questions: 1. Since when has the amount of clothing made you more or less successful invalidating your own feelings or your self worth? 2. How does the amount of clothing you wear or the amount of skin make you less or more valuable as an individual? How does said woman praise and shout for women empowerment yet at the same time shoot any lady down that shows a little more skin than she would dare? This also sounds like the very same woman that may just say that the amount of clothing you wear would be equal to the amount of respect you earn/deserve.
Recently I have discussed the numbers of women who are raped in South Africa per annum (note that due to the number of cases that are not reported; it is not possible to give a correct number of possible rapes per hour/day/month/year) and consequently to that the number of gender-based violence.
Population-based surveys show very high levels of intimate partner violence (IPV) and non-partner sexual violence (SV) in particular, with IPV being the most common form of violence against women.
Whilst people of all genders perpetrate and experience intimate partner and or sexual violence, men are most often the perpetrators and women and children the victims
More than half of all the women murdered (56%) in 2009 were killed by an intimate male partner
Between 25% and 40% of South African women have experienced sexual and/or physical IPV (intimate partner violence) in their lifetime
Just under 50% of women report having ever experienced emotional or economic abuse at the hands of their intimate partners in their lifetime
Prevalence estimates of rape in South Africa range between 12% and 28% of women ever reporting being raped in their lifetime
Between 28 and 37% of adult men report having raped a woman
Non-partner SV is particularly common, but reporting to the police is very low. One study found that one in 13 women in Gauteng had reported non-partner rape, and only one in 25 rapes had been reported to the police
South Africa also faces a high prevalence of gang rape
Most men who rape do so for the first time as teenagers and almost all men who ever rape do so by their mid-20s
There is limited research into rape targeting women who have sex with women. One study across four Southern African countries, including South Africa, found that 31.1% of women reported having experienced forced sex
Male victims of rape are another under-studied group. One survey in KwaZulu-Natal and the Eastern Cape found that 9.6% of men reported having experienced sexual victimisation by another man
What the stats above do not show are the number of women who are verbally or psychologically abused by other women. How people are targeted, bullied and called out on social media for the way they live their life or for what they choose to post about themselves on social media. How women would rather band together and stand up with other men; slut-shaming women who post selfies and/or “sexy” images on social media, than standing up for those women. It’s easy to say “men-are-trash” when a guy makes a funny by posting a “women belong in the kitchen” joke, yet it is okay to agree with the same guy calling out another woman who has found self-confidence and enjoys posting about herself/her outfit/her weight gain or loss/her sock and shoes/the food she eats/the competition she took part in etc etc. One of the latest repetitive posts I see is “I’m so tired of all these selfies with quotes and all you see is bum and boobs” or “show me a real woman who does not feel like she needs validation or attention from the whole world by showing off her body”. What does that even mean? What makes a woman a “real” woman?
I feel our country specifically is facing a tough time. Apart from the global economical damage that we are facing, the all-time high unemployment rate that is continually rising and our own government’s crimes and corruption; we are facing a particular tricky era where we as women are rising. Standing up against the oppression of what our fore-mothers faced. We are in an incredible era where we as women have more of a voice than ever before. Yet here you are, spitting on another queen who’s rising in her own time on her own terms in her own way. Standing with all the aggression against other women. What kind of empowerment are you after? Why demand equality, justice and empowerment when you stand up and laugh other women down. Calling them out for believing in themselves? Knocking them down for owning who they are? What is a “real woman”? One who can clap for another woman, without judgement, without malice and without misogyny.
I’ve recently decided that I have too many eggs in one basket and too many fingers in a pie. And as much as it’s brilliant to think that I am a “Jack of all trades”- reality is that where you focus you grow. And unfortunately it is impossible to grow in too many avenues.
I have had to deal with a few personal challenges which caused another Lupus flare. This consisted of mostly extreme fatigue, flu-like symptoms, aching joints and recently swollen face. Not being able to sleep comfortably yet feeling so incredibly exhausted really took its toll. Then the social media frustrations…
As most of you know; I’ve taken a short break from Social Media. This was prompted after the frustration of not being able to follow other accounts, like others’ posts at times and not being able to comment on other’s posts. Should you not know this; these actions are all integral for the growth of your social media profiles. (Besides the fact that I actually enjoy interacting with my followers.)
I do not take it [social media] too seriously; however I do depend on getting work through some of my social media pages. This all led to me deciding on a little detox. Now as much as such a decision is rather easy; allot of my close friends continue checking up on me asking me whether I’m “coping” without my Social Media accounts. Was I really that much on those platforms that people thought I’d struggle?
Whilst all of this is said with tongue in cheek, one of the scariest realisations recently is that people place so much value on social media that they actually identify their social standing or even their life accomplishments on being “available, present and seen” on their profiles. Their “likes” and “followers” become such an obsession that they begin to identify themselves with it! Studies have now shown that teen depression and teen suicidal tendencies are at its highest ever. This largely due to the pressure of a “false life” on social media.
You see it way too often on the story lines. You see someone you idolise at some prominent restaurant and perhaps take a short video of sipping on some exotic drink with bags of shopping around them. This now seems very ideal; and probably cool to the average teen, who copies this. Only they try and emulate what they saw. Perhaps trying on the newest brand clothing and posting it as if they have just bought it. Another peer sees this and envies this. Perhaps goes to a bespoke bar and takes a snap insinuating that they dine there. This is seen by others who now feel so depressed that they are unable to afford these kind of life styles exhibited by their peers. And so the circle continues. Talking to people “in the know”, social media is still so new that these issues that come along with it is just as new, and our experts have no experience in treating this. Or very little at the moment.
It’s become quite evident how Social Media can take over and how one can allow it to affect them. Taking breaks and also limiting the amount of time you “check” on what’s going on, “checking in” to see what is going on, and “checking new likes and follows”, all will benefit your mental health I assure you. What I have personally realised from this is that when I have a spare moment I usually grab my phone and try catching up.
When I announced that I’d take a break, I deleted every social media application off my phone. This not only takes away temptation to “just quickly check what’s going on”, but also in those moments that you’d forget about your decision. I am so surprised that I have continuously had a couple moments free time and automatically went for my phone to catch up, only to see a void where the apps were – and feeling literally confused and lost. Like what now? What can I do with the time I used to spend on Instagram or Facebook or Twitter?
With most smart phones now; you are able to gauge how much time is spent on your phone, and reminders “to take breaks”.
This break from my virtual reality made me realise that I’m not only “detoxing” from Social Media, I’m freeing up “thinking space” and allowing my creative juices to flow freely. Less human interaction – which in reality exhausted me – and more ME time. Whilst social media is an integral part of what I do; I will from now on take one day completely away from all social media, as well as once a month take a four day break. I’d suggest to anyone and everyone to do the same. Take days completely away from Social Media – to allow your mind a break as well as to connect with nature/family/real life/ hobbies etc. It is so easy to get carried away with this virtual reality. So easy to loose sight of YOU. So easy to get caught up in other people’s (pretend?) lives and neglect your own self.