Mindful, conscious sex

I have been on this very exciting spiritual journey – which I believe most of us have. Especially the past few years it seems more and more of the collective have woken up to the fact that we need to be more present and more mindful amongst many other things.

My spiritual quest started when I was really young however only recently did I have this desire, this thirst to learn as much as I can about quantum physics, parallel realities, energy dimensions, reverse ageing etc. And mindful & sacred sex. The type that leaves you feeling like you are high on something. The type where it feels like you can see neutrons firing away when you close your eyes. The type that requires connections that is beyond the physical. That is beyond lust. That is beyond the need to physically enter each other. That creates deeper and more beautiful bonds between lovers.

So what is the difference between normal sex and mindful/sacred sex?

Normal sex acts relieve a person’s sexual urges. It is to expend energy. For one to penetrate the other with the main goal to ejaculate/orgasm. In some instances, the participants/couples aim to do this as quickly as possible. The type of orgasm you experience in normal sex, you cannot go further. You reach the climax of the experience, expel and feel completely spent and exhausted. Most of the time one or both parties would like to rest or sleep. And most of the time both parties mind’s wonder at some or most the duration of the experience.

Mindful sex is not necessarily focused on reaching a peaked orgasm. It is more focused on being continuously present and even reaching a meditative state. In short, mindful sex means being present. During intimacy, your focus becomes on all your senses whilst paying attention to your breathing.

The mental aspect of sex is hugely important in developing and maintaining intimacy and keeping that spark of passion alight. Practising mindfulness and meditation will help you reign your mind back in when it starts to drift and make you more aware and able to be in tune with the sensations and intimacy, rather than being on autopilot. You will find that this will reawaken your bodies and you will start experiencing mutual pleasures without being focused on reaching a climax.

Mindful Masturbation

Try this method next time you maturate. And make it a priority to do this as often as you can. (Note that masturbation is not only vital for self-love, it is also a method of discovering yourself and alone time). As with mindful sex, the aim is to feel and experience all your senses whilst focused on your breathing. A great way to try it with your next shower or bath. Pretend it is the first time with your senses. Feel your soapy hand gliding along your skin, inhale the scent of your shampoo, taste the falling water droplets. When your mind starts to wander, bring it back to the sensations.

Lock your bedroom door and lie on your bed. Run your hands down your body and experience the sensations that occur. Feeling everything. No judgement. No criticism and no end goal. Just experience all your senses and take deep breaths in, and let it out slowly.

Sit crossed-legged on the floor and put your hands between the space of your legs. Touch yourself and ask yourself how does it feel? Slowly and deliberately. Remember that the point of this is not to reach an orgasm, but the experience ALL your senses.

These techniques have also shown great success in healing, building self love and self confidence.

Rediscover yourself, and your partner

By practising the above, you will find that both you and your partner may wake your libido should either have a low sex drive, or you may just find you have a fresh new connection with one another. These methods have also proven to bring couples closer, bringing life to an already mundane sex life as well as rekindling the nostalgic feelings of earlier exciting years of a relationship. Furthermore, research has shown that the level of trust changes completely.

Mindful sex with strangers?

Whilst some may argue that one can have mindful sex with someone you have just met, scared sex is ultimately the union between two beings on a spiritual and cellular vibration rather than the physical touch aspect. By participating in mindful sacred sex, you create a spiritual bond and honour each other’s existence. You accept that you are taking from each other’s past energies and meet one another on a vibrational level that the two of you create whilst in the union, focusing on your breath, on your senses and on experiencing the release within you. It is something so special, that you cannot help but feel this experience brings you closer together, closer to your true self and closer to Source.

S E X

Standing in a queue waiting to pay for something I hear the conversation somewhere behind me. “He wanted to ….. talk about….you know {hushed voice} es – ee -ex… I look over to see who this person was that was clearly so embarrassed to mention one of us human’s most natural normal functions, only to look into middle-aged lady eyes. She went all shades of scarlet and I could see she wanted the earth to swallow her whole.

I mentioned this to my kids, and my 19-year-old daughter stated that they have discussed it several times with friends, and it seems most of them (the friends) feel uneasy not only to talk about sex but to even think about sex. Granted they are still young and do not have nearly enough life experience. Their parents apparently never really felt comfortable enough to talk about sex other than the basics that we are offered in sex-ed at school. Their parents have also created such a “secretive” vibe around that subject that the kids are so curious yet scared and feel pressure due to expectations.

However would it not be an idea to start educating the younger generation about something that’s so important and literally part of EVERY SINGLE HUMAN’S life (regardless of your sexual preferences, sexual tendencies or whether it involves penetration/masturbation/fantasising?) This being an age-appropriate subject and discussion, could potentially create better self-awareness, self-confidence and ultimately stronger romantic relationships with the “correct” partners.

A week later I meet up with a friend and we catch up a little as we have not seen one another for a few months. I tell him that I have decided to continue my studies in psychology for me to counsel couples as well as focussing on sexual counselling and sexual healing, predominantly from a spiritual approach. As I tell him this I tell him about the incident of the lady whispering her voice. He laughs and points out that I was doing exactly the same! I look around and state well we are sitting in one of the busiest restaurants in Fourways, and he asks me how is that different?

So as I smile whilst looking at all of this, as I understand that perhaps I may talk freely about my sexual relations and what goes on behind closed doors, it must of course be per each person comfort level as well as “the right time and the right place”. That being said, I wonder whether a person can be taught and shown that sex is really nothing to be embarrassed or ashamed of. In fact, it is something spectacularly beautiful. Something that we were indoctrinated to believe is a sin most of the time. Something that the patriarchal system tricked you into believing is something that should be hidden and only done for the sake of procreation only.

Furthermore, if someone could teach you how to not only discover your pleasure spots and areas but also teach you how to have CONSCIOUS and MINDFUL sex or intimate engagement, how it would change your entire world, the way you perceive connections and bring you closer to Source, to your own higher self and to the person you have a beautiful vibrational connection with?

There is of course plenty of research out there that will confirm that various aspects and various factors have a role to play in why the general public may feel so reluctant in opening themselves up to be more honest and open. Not only about sex, but about everything that goes along with sex, your sexual curiosities, your sexual preferences etc. And how to even start discovering the “deeper” more authentic you (pardon the pun). I suppose this will fall in line with something that I want to succeed at.