What is a “real woman”

What is a “real woman”

Every Women’s Month we are reminded – more than usual – how we as women need to stand up and rise. How us as women should go for our goals and dreams. How we should all stand up for one another and empower each other. We are reminded of the current femicide; the gender inequality that we face and the sexual violence and attacks on us women and on children. It’s amazing to see how more and more women do indeed embrace themselves and start standing up for one another. From a personal point of view I’ve always felt that we can all win. There is no “competition”.

Over the last little while I have however noticed how easy it is for women to throw around the “men-are-trash” terms and love to jump onto that bandwagon when it suits them; however some of the same women would post: “A real women would never…” or the whole body-shaming and slut-shaming thing. One can only deduct that this type of opinions would certainly be of those how have not felt adequate enough or perhaps even insecure themselves. I’d really love to know how any of these ladies actually stand up for other women and cheer for them – regardless if it’s something they would personally do or not do.

I find it ironic how many of these ladies demand respect and recognition for being a Queen. For being empowered and independent; yet have no problem pointing out the unruliness of another empowered woman. When another woman’s courage becomes a “vanity” problem; or someone’s self-confidence is suddenly highlighted as “no self-respect”. Earlier this evening I read on a lady’s post that “real women do not need the validation from other people, therefore, they do not seek attention by wearing little clothing”. Is that not just loaded with “I wish I could be brave enough to dress whichever way I want to and not care what others think whilst winning”?

This leads me to the two questions: 1. Since when has the amount of clothing made you more or less successful invalidating your own feelings or your self worth? 2. How does the amount of clothing you wear or the amount of skin make you less or more valuable as an individual? How does said woman praise and shout for women empowerment yet at the same time shoot any lady down that shows a little more skin than she would dare? This also sounds like the very same woman that may just say that the amount of clothing you wear would be equal to the amount of respect you earn/deserve.

Recently I have discussed the numbers of women who are raped in South Africa per annum (note that due to the number of cases that are not reported; it is not possible to give a correct number of possible rapes per hour/day/month/year) and consequently to that the number of gender-based violence.

Population-based surveys show very high levels of intimate partner violence (IPV) and non-partner sexual violence (SV) in particular, with IPV being the most common form of violence against women.

  • Whilst people of all genders perpetrate and experience intimate partner and or sexual violence, men are most often the perpetrators and women and children the victims
  • More than half of all the women murdered (56%) in 2009 were killed by an intimate male partner
  • Between 25% and 40% of South African women have experienced sexual and/or physical IPV (intimate partner violence) in their lifetime
  • Just under 50% of women report having ever experienced emotional or economic abuse at the hands of their intimate partners in their lifetime
  • Prevalence estimates of rape in South Africa range between 12% and 28% of women ever reporting being raped in their lifetime
  • Between 28 and 37% of adult men report having raped a woman
  • Non-partner SV is particularly common, but reporting to the police is very low. One study found that one in 13 women in Gauteng had reported non-partner rape, and only one in 25  rapes had been reported to the police
  • South Africa also faces a high prevalence of gang rape
  • Most men who rape do so for the first time as teenagers and almost all men who ever rape do so by their mid-20s
  • There is limited research into rape targeting women who have sex with women. One study across four Southern African countries, including South Africa, found that 31.1% of women reported having experienced forced sex
  • Male victims of rape are another under-studied group. One survey in KwaZulu-Natal and the Eastern Cape found that 9.6% of men reported having experienced sexual victimisation by another man

What the stats above do not show are the number of women who are verbally or psychologically abused by other women. How people are targeted, bullied and called out on social media for the way they live their life or for what they choose to post about themselves on social media. How women would rather band together and stand up with other men; slut-shaming women who post selfies and/or “sexy” images on social media, than standing up for those women. It’s easy to say “men-are-trash” when a guy makes a funny by posting a “women belong in the kitchen” joke, yet it is okay to agree with the same guy calling out another woman who has found self-confidence and enjoys posting about herself/her outfit/her weight gain or loss/her sock and shoes/the food she eats/the competition she took part in etc etc. One of the latest repetitive posts I see is “I’m so tired of all these selfies with quotes and all you see is bum and boobs” or “show me a real woman who does not feel like she needs validation or attention from the whole world by showing off her body”. What does that even mean? What makes a woman a “real” woman?

I feel our country specifically is facing a tough time. Apart from the global economical damage that we are facing, the all-time high unemployment rate that is continually rising and our own government’s crimes and corruption; we are facing a particular tricky era where we as women are rising. Standing up against the oppression of what our fore-mothers faced. We are in an incredible era where we as women have more of a voice than ever before. Yet here you are, spitting on another queen who’s rising in her own time on her own terms in her own way. Standing with all the aggression against other women. What kind of empowerment are you after? Why demand equality, justice and empowerment when you stand up and laugh other women down. Calling them out for believing in themselves? Knocking them down for owning who they are? What is a “real woman”? One who can clap for another woman, without judgement, without malice and without misogyny.

Social Media’s hold

Social Media’s hold

Captured by
Boudoir Fusion Photography
Inked by Tony from
Awhe Tattoo Studio

I’ve recently decided that I have too many eggs in one basket and too many fingers in a pie. And as much as it’s brilliant to think that I am a “Jack of all trades”- reality is that where you focus you grow. And unfortunately it is impossible to grow in too many avenues.

I have had to deal with a few personal challenges which caused another Lupus flare. This consisted of mostly extreme fatigue, flu-like symptoms, aching joints and recently swollen face. Not being able to sleep comfortably yet feeling so incredibly exhausted really took its toll. Then the social media frustrations…

As most of you know; I’ve taken a short break from Social Media. This was prompted after the frustration of not being able to follow other accounts, like others’ posts at times and not being able to comment on other’s posts. Should you not know this; these actions are all integral for the growth of your social media profiles. (Besides the fact that I actually enjoy interacting with my followers.)

I do not take it [social media] too seriously; however I do depend on getting work through some of my social media pages. This all led to me deciding on a little detox. Now as much as such a decision is rather easy; allot of my close friends continue checking up on me asking me whether I’m “coping” without my Social Media accounts. Was I really that much on those platforms that people thought I’d struggle?

Whilst all of this is said with tongue in cheek, one of the scariest realisations recently is that people place so much value on social media that they actually identify their social standing or even their life accomplishments on being “available, present and seen” on their profiles. Their “likes” and “followers” become such an obsession that they begin to identify themselves with it! Studies have now shown that teen depression and teen suicidal tendencies are at its highest ever. This largely due to the pressure of a “false life” on social media.

Captured by
Boudoir Fusion Photography
Inked by Tony from
Awhe Tattoo Studio

You see it way too often on the story lines. You see someone you idolise at some prominent restaurant and perhaps take a short video of sipping on some exotic drink with bags of shopping around them. This now seems very ideal; and probably cool to the average teen, who copies this. Only they try and emulate what they saw. Perhaps trying on the newest brand clothing and posting it as if they have just bought it. Another peer sees this and envies this. Perhaps goes to a bespoke bar and takes a snap insinuating that they dine there. This is seen by others who now feel so depressed that they are unable to afford these kind of life styles exhibited by their peers. And so the circle continues. Talking to people “in the know”, social media is still so new that these issues that come along with it is just as new, and our experts have no experience in treating this. Or very little at the moment.

It’s become quite evident how Social Media can take over and how one can allow it to affect them. Taking breaks and also limiting the amount of time you “check” on what’s going on, “checking in” to see what is going on, and “checking new likes and follows”, all will benefit your mental health I assure you. What I have personally realised from this is that when I have a spare moment I usually grab my phone and try catching up.

When I announced that I’d take a break, I deleted every social media application off my phone. This not only takes away temptation to “just quickly check what’s going on”, but also in those moments that you’d forget about your decision. I am so surprised that I have continuously had a couple moments free time and automatically went for my phone to catch up, only to see a void where the apps were – and feeling literally confused and lost. Like what now? What can I do with the time I used to spend on Instagram or Facebook or Twitter?

With most smart phones now; you are able to gauge how much time is spent on your phone, and reminders “to take breaks”.

This break from my virtual reality made me realise that I’m not only “detoxing” from Social Media, I’m freeing up “thinking space” and allowing my creative juices to flow freely. Less human interaction – which in reality exhausted me – and more ME time. Whilst social media is an integral part of what I do; I will from now on take one day completely away from all social media, as well as once a month take a four day break. I’d suggest to anyone and everyone to do the same. Take days completely away from Social Media – to allow your mind a break as well as to connect with nature/family/real life/ hobbies etc. It is so easy to get carried away with this virtual reality. So easy to loose sight of YOU. So easy to get caught up in other people’s (pretend?) lives and neglect your own self.

Captured by
Boudoir Fusion Photography
Inked by Tony from
Awhe Tattoo Studio
What the DM – v2

What the DM – v2

If you are a loyal follower; you would have seen a while back that Ive posted some of the weird and wonderful DM’s I receive from followers. Most the time these are from the arb guys. The “passer by’s” I’d like to call them 😂

Note that I don’t always disclose their names as I really dislike “naming and shaming”. A lot of you disagree with this; however I do not feel good/satisfied/better/empowered in embarrassing someone else; and certainly not out there to “teach lessons”. This is good comical fun though…

I’m often asked how I even deal with it or cope with it. Very easily. 1. They have no idea who I am, 2. They were raised not respecting women 3. They have problems with their sexual lives 4. They are trollers

Caught out!

Hi

Hiiiiii

Hey

Hey 

Hiiiii

Hey 

You beauti

U

Hey

U no pretty anyway!!!!!

looking gergious

Hiiiiiiii

Sugar Daddy Proposal

Wanting to get spoilt rotten with good money, afford luxury clothes, shoes and good lifestyle with a weekly allowance? Am a sugar daddy looking for a loyal and honest sugar Baby to take care of, kindly HMU if interested.

I’m still waiting 😎

Dude: Hey kan u send naked video pvt

Me: You first

Dude: Ai jis do video call

Me: No, just send me a video of you

Dude: No do not hafe video of me

Me: Send me a video of you

Dude: What

Me: Send me a video of you

Me: A naked one

Dude: huh

Me: Dude – seriously? Let’s think about this. Really carefully

Dude: nag

Me: You really think I will send “naked pictures or videos” of me? To you? Who are you even? If you want naked videos or pictures go look on pornsites. Bye

Me: BTW send me your parents details – I need to congratulate them on teaching you manners and respect

Dude: huh?

Rejected!

Dude: Hiiiiiiiii sexy

Dude: You are so gorgeous, and have an incredible delicious body. Tell me, would a fine women like you be taken? Let’s hook up sometime and I can show you a few things *insert an unusual amount of arb emoji’s*

Dude: I guess the cat caught your tongue *insert double of the above amount of emoji’s*

Me: Hey there, thank you. No – however you did appear to message me at 3am. And in all fairness I was catching up on some much needed beauty sleep. No kitties in sight! That leads me to my next answer. I have never gone anywhere against my will, therefor not “taken”. I am however married 🙂

Dude: Aaaaaaaah sorry. Just delete this message. Thanks. I didn’t mean any of it anyway

Me: WHAT? Are you telling me I’m ugly?

Dude: That is not what I meant.

Me: Oh, so I’m not gorgeous, nor fine?

Dude: No, you are very beautiful

Me: Oh you’re assuming that I won’t be lost anymore since I’m “taken” therefor you won’t need to show me “a few things”?

Dude: Yes

Me: Out of curiosity; what exactly were you going to show me (considering you appear to be 19 and I am 39)

USER NOT FOUND

Too Easy

Dude: hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii

Me: no

Dude: Okay

How does one resist this?

Too Easy 2

Dude: Can I ask you something?

Me: (think: here we go….) Typing: Sure 😊

Dude: When you pose, do you get horny. Or do you turn the photographer on?

Me: No, and no. This is a job. Do you get turned on at work?

Dude: Sometimes

Me: Well I don’t

Dude: Can I send you a picture?

Me: No thank you

Dude: Please

Me: No

Dude: okay.

Dude: Have a nice evening

Dude: If you change your mind……

Mr Famous

Dude: Thnx 4 da follow love ur gallery wow

Me: Thank you

Dude: Pleasure do you mind sharing some pictures or videos mwa

Me: You may find all my images on artbyam.com

Dude: Was hoping u would make it more special by sending it 4 me Swt *insert roses and hearts and kisses and hearts and roses*

Me: Thanks. I’m a professional model. I don’t swap images. All my images are “special”

Dude: Im totally aware of that but u caught my attention and I find u so attractive its also my dream and vision to become a pro bodybuilder

Me: I suggest you do your research prior to addressing any lady and disrespecting her. I am not a porn star. One of the lessons I suggest you learn (on your way to get your Pro card and being a prominent figure within the industry) is respect and being humble. NOT asking to swap nude videos.

Me: Have a nice life

Since you ask so nicely….

Pardon?

Dude: Hey! hgd?

Dude: Wmj?

Dude: halo sexy; wmj?

Me: what does that even mean?

Dude: jmr mooi dang. js bja mooi!

Me: no

Dude: Jys rrg bja mooi

Dude: Halo?

Dude: wmj

Whilst I do try and engage as much as I can with my followers on IG, I limit my time on Facebook. I also found that the people on Facebook are – in general and not everyone – a little more rude and crude. Perhaps I have just started loosing interest due to the very strict rules and restrictions. Regardless, I value each person who follows me, respects me and takes the time to appreciate what I do. Whatever their thoughts, assumptions or intentions are!

Version 3 will most likely be posted soon! Hope you had a little giggle 😜

Nude Modelling: What actually happens during a photoshoot

Nude Modelling: What actually happens during a photoshoot

Image captured by
Boudoir Fusion Photography

I posted an image last night with a brief description of what happens when I shoot. I’ve had such great responses and more questions that I figured I may give a little more details of what my general shoot day looks like.

BUT FIRST…..

I instantly feel irritated with some questions and remarks when it comes to what I do. However; trying the shoe on my foot – allow me to set a few things straight:

  1. Do you have sex with other photographers and models on set? Don’t be ridiculous would be my first answer. Think of your work place. Do sleep with your clients? Wait…. don’t answer that….the average person doesn’t! We are all there to do a job. Not have sex.
  2. Do you or your photographer get aroused/turned on when you shoot in nude? Again; Don’t be ridiculous. HOWEVER; this is a plausible question as I gather that if you are not used to see people in the nude; being human – it may be a “turn on”. Should this ever be the case, I would not know as all the people I’ve worked with have always kept our shoots very professional. Then again I only work with people who are experienced with what I do.
  3. How does your husband “allow” you to do this? I do not “belong” to a single other individual. I’m not property to be owned – therefor no one should or would have ownership of me and “allow” me to do anything. I would advise you to look very deeply within yourself when you think this way. All my loved ones (including my children) support me, and encourages me. They are fully aware that when I am with them; I give “me”, I give my time and my heart to them. What you see on photos of me is something that is created – not my personality, my heart, my mind or any other intimate moments of me.

Preparation

Clients get in touch with me via my website, Messenger on FB or DM’s on Insta. “Clients” refer to an individual or company that will employ me/pay for me to model a brand, a concept or something abstract. This could be an amateur photographer, a clothing/beauty/food/coffee etc brand, or artist or even a private individual that wants my work displayed in their house/workplace/office/reception or an artist that wishes to paint or sketch me.

Once they have reached out, I send my hourly rates and we discuss what the requirements are. We book hair, make-up and wardrobe if necessary as well as the location.

It’s very similar to an actress – I am provided a reference/dream board/idea and then meet for a briefing of the job.
We go through the set; we discuss at length what mister client wants to achieve and then we start.

On set

First half hour is usually like a rehearsal. I become or embody the mood that is meant to reflect what we shoot. Acting out the emotions and moods. Moving around and “connecting” with the lens. The photographer would take a few shots and we would look at the results and unpack how we want to change or enhance the results thus far.
Sometimes we nail the shot; sometimes we don’t.

Depending on client (I call them trigger happy or interval clickers) I move with every shot or I pose until desired shot, light, mood, and pose is achieved. I have to change my facial expression and my body continuously. 
A lot of people don’t realise this but posing in it self is work! It means you’re posing head to toe – all at the same time! Suck your tummy in, relax the look in your eyes, relax hands and fingers, chin out and nose down, feet pointed at all times, arch back and push out butt etc. You have to know what you are good at, your “good sides”, your flaws (and how to move to avoid it), and not to move in extreme gestures and movements.

This takes a while and sometimes we end up with amazing work, other times not. For most jobs (nude excluded of course); I’d have 3 outfit changes.
We then “load” the images onto the computer, and go through the images.
Selection process then post work begins. This is the harder part, and if the light and set up wasn’t spot on; the most technical part for the photographer would be in post work. Editing becomes more challenging.

Leave the BS at the door

This is my passion – though it’s work I LOVE every minute of every shoot.
I do not entertain any bullshit on set ever.
Then again the people I work with have always been incredibly professional. No person will try anything on. I have always prided myself in being professional and making it clear that there’s no room for any nonsense.

I do not drink on any job, nor would I work with anyone who does. My manager is fully aware of my movements and my diary, as is my family. As soon as I arrive at a job, I’d WhatsApp everyone my location.

The P word

I do not get involved with “adult entertainment” industry, not because I do not agree with it, but because that is not my line of work. Should I ever be addressed or employed for anything that involves the adult industry; I’d consult with my team and most importantly talk to my family.

That being said: I will not and have never entertained or considered pornography. I will not engage or consider that avenue, and have no inclination nor desire to explore that. Yes, pornography to some could also be art. For me personally; it’s not my thing.

SIDE NOTE:

Pornography, representation of sexual behaviour in books, pictures, statues, motion pictures, and other media that is intended to cause sexual excitement. The distinction between pornography (illicit and condemned material) and erotica (which is broadly tolerated) is largely subjective and reflects changing community standards. The word pornography, derived from the Greek porni (“prostitute”) and graphein (“to write”), was originally defined as any work of art or literature depicting the life of prostitutes.

Because the very definition of pornography is subjective, a history of pornography is nearly impossible to conceive; imagery that might be considered erotic or even religious in one society may be condemned as pornographic in another. Thus, European travelers to India in the 19th century were appalled by what they considered pornographic representations of sexual contact and intercourse on Hindu temples such as those of Khajuraho; most modern observers would probably react differently. Many contemporary Muslim societies likewise apply the label “pornography” to many motion pictures and television programs that are unobjectionable in Western societies. To adapt a cliché, pornography is very much in the eye of the beholder.

Image captured by
Boudoir Fusion Photography

I demand respect

I take my work very seriously 
This is NOT an invite to ask me out, to ask me for a coffee, to ask “to get to know me”, to send me proposals, to send me genitalia or ask me advise on your genitals, to request to pose naked with me, to tell me how I’m asking to be disrespected, to ask me whether I have had any specific sexual deeds done to me. 

What I do is all on images – you cannot assume that I don’t have anything left for my special person in my life. There’s so much more to a body than what the eye meets in an image. 
In fact it is YOUR creativity and imagination that creates something from what you see. If this leads you to anything other than appreciation; keep it to yourself.

Thank You

A lot of my work is for sale too! 
Questions about who I am, my life, my tattoos etc? Have a look at my blogs. It’s all on here.
Thank you to each of you for your ongoing love, kindness and support – I value you so much! I’ve had countless messages from women especially thanking me for inspiration or motivation; and to be frank: THAT makes my day.


🖤 Don’t you think the curves of a woman is just beautiful? 🖤

Oh hey there!

Oh hey there!

I thought I’d reintroduce myself. Last year I wrote a bio for my webpage, and I when people ask for information about me; I refer them back to my bio – however being the person that I am; I’d personally not go and look for my bio 😂. Not because I’m lazy – because I’m too darn busy to scroll through pages. Though I personally think some of my blogs are rather funny and well worth going through.

Who is Alli?

Hi! My name is Allison-Ann Montgomery-Maaske. So in answer to the most common questions:

I am 39 years old, my birthday is on 21 January and I am an Aquarius. Yes, it’s on the cusp – however I am indeed first day of an Aquarius. I am a spiritual being believing that we are the universe and the universe is us. We were created as the universe/God/Almighty Power existing in a human form/life. My full time job is as a model, ambassador for various brands, professional entertainment presence, Life Coach and counsellor.

Image captured by
Boudoir Fusion Photography

Adulting

I am a mum of two (Daughter and Son – 17 and 15), I’m studying part time psychology. I also have qualifications as a professional make-up artist, beautician, certified book keeper, diploma in social media marketing, diploma in photography (entry/beginner), diploma in sports nutrition and in fitness & weight loss.

NOTE: This goes against all writing rules, however this is also practically my CV, therefor all sentences – or nearly all of them – will start with: “I am” #sorrynotsorry

Passions

I am very very VERY passionate about equality (aka feminism – however people seem to think that word is the same as sexist, therefore we will stick to equality), empowerment and most of all: HELPING PEOPLE TO HEAL (will get back to this in a moment). I am a public speaker, and have spoken many times in front of pretty big crowds whilst living in England. Yes, I’ve lived in the UK most my adult life. My children are English, though we’ve been in South Africa the past 7 years.

I am a fitness fanatic, health fanatic and advocate for love and kindness. In fact I believe we would have a more harmonious life if we had a fair balance of those four areas. I’m also obsessed with human behaviour…..

But don’t let the diagnoses fool you…

I was diagnosed with several medical conditions through-out my life including Lupus, PCOS, rheumatoid arthritis, and various other lines’. I also have Depression, Anxiety and PTSD. I personally have been a stat/victim of sexual abuse and violence, physical and mental abuse.

I am incredibly grateful for all the above – it created and shaped the person I am. I have a burning desire to help as many people as possible, realise their dreams and passions, assist as many people as possible to achieve their dreams and passions, and most of all help as many people as possible heal from whatever obstacles or challenges they have faced (or currently facing).

Image captured by
Boudoir Fusion Photography

My creativity

My nude modelling is another passion. I have always been comfortable in my skin. Knowing that I am able to express a certain “look” or communicate without saying a single word; through my modelling is beautiful to me. Being your authentic self is beautiful. The human form is incredibly powerful, mechanical, breathtakingly beautiful. That each human was created the same but completely different? Just WOW! That with the help of one gesture; you can communicate love, anger, sadness, excitement, or even erotica.

In saying that,

I do not expect everyone to feel the way I do. I understand that what is liberating to me may be constrictive to another. Therefore I would never expect people to believe that nudity is the only or the right way. However I suppose with my art I’d like to believe that it has shown people that nudity can be beautiful. And to break that stigma of nudity = sex. Or nudity is “attention seeking”.

Now with all of the above – I trust I have given you all the answers to all the common questions I’m usually asked.

One last thing

I LOVE music and books and most of all intellectual conversations.