I’ve recently decided that I have too many eggs in one basket and too many fingers in a pie. And as much as it’s brilliant to think that I am a “Jack of all trades”- reality is that where you focus you grow. And unfortunately it is impossible to grow in too many avenues.
I have had to deal with a few personal challenges which caused another Lupus flare. This consisted of mostly extreme fatigue, flu-like symptoms, aching joints and recently swollen face. Not being able to sleep comfortably yet feeling so incredibly exhausted really took its toll. Then the social media frustrations…
As most of you know; I’ve taken a short break from Social Media. This was prompted after the frustration of not being able to follow other accounts, like others’ posts at times and not being able to comment on other’s posts. Should you not know this; these actions are all integral for the growth of your social media profiles. (Besides the fact that I actually enjoy interacting with my followers.)
I do not take it [social media] too seriously; however I do depend on getting work through some of my social media pages. This all led to me deciding on a little detox. Now as much as such a decision is rather easy; allot of my close friends continue checking up on me asking me whether I’m “coping” without my Social Media accounts. Was I really that much on those platforms that people thought I’d struggle?
Whilst all of this is said with tongue in cheek, one of the scariest realisations recently is that people place so much value on social media that they actually identify their social standing or even their life accomplishments on being “available, present and seen” on their profiles. Their “likes” and “followers” become such an obsession that they begin to identify themselves with it! Studies have now shown that teen depression and teen suicidal tendencies are at its highest ever. This largely due to the pressure of a “false life” on social media.
You see it way too often on the story lines. You see someone you idolise at some prominent restaurant and perhaps take a short video of sipping on some exotic drink with bags of shopping around them. This now seems very ideal; and probably cool to the average teen, who copies this. Only they try and emulate what they saw. Perhaps trying on the newest brand clothing and posting it as if they have just bought it. Another peer sees this and envies this. Perhaps goes to a bespoke bar and takes a snap insinuating that they dine there. This is seen by others who now feel so depressed that they are unable to afford these kind of life styles exhibited by their peers. And so the circle continues. Talking to people “in the know”, social media is still so new that these issues that come along with it is just as new, and our experts have no experience in treating this. Or very little at the moment.
It’s become quite evident how Social Media can take over and how one can allow it to affect them. Taking breaks and also limiting the amount of time you “check” on what’s going on, “checking in” to see what is going on, and “checking new likes and follows”, all will benefit your mental health I assure you. What I have personally realised from this is that when I have a spare moment I usually grab my phone and try catching up.
When I announced that I’d take a break, I deleted every social media application off my phone. This not only takes away temptation to “just quickly check what’s going on”, but also in those moments that you’d forget about your decision. I am so surprised that I have continuously had a couple moments free time and automatically went for my phone to catch up, only to see a void where the apps were – and feeling literally confused and lost. Like what now? What can I do with the time I used to spend on Instagram or Facebook or Twitter?
With most smart phones now; you are able to gauge how much time is spent on your phone, and reminders “to take breaks”.
This break from my virtual reality made me realise that I’m not only “detoxing” from Social Media, I’m freeing up “thinking space” and allowing my creative juices to flow freely. Less human interaction – which in reality exhausted me – and more ME time. Whilst social media is an integral part of what I do; I will from now on take one day completely away from all social media, as well as once a month take a four day break. I’d suggest to anyone and everyone to do the same. Take days completely away from Social Media – to allow your mind a break as well as to connect with nature/family/real life/ hobbies etc. It is so easy to get carried away with this virtual reality. So easy to loose sight of YOU. So easy to get caught up in other people’s (pretend?) lives and neglect your own self.
I think one of the common questions I receive is: “how do you do what you do?”. Which goes hand in hand with “when did you start doing what you’re doing?” as well as “what made you decide to do what you do?”. However the most frequently asked question about me would be: what do you actually do?
Though there is no definitive answer to these questions, I figured I’d tell you a little more about how I happened to get into this profession; what else I do and reply to some of those exciting rumours going around.
You’d be surprised to know that as much as I am a shmodel, I do have a few qualifications and do in fact come from a learned back ground. I am also a dork; and love big words, big books, big subjects and most of all big love.
A few years ago, I made the decision to turn my life around. Always being an outcast; always being different and always battling to fit within the expected norm of society – it took it’s toll and I had to make some changes.
I did a fun shoot for a friend, and after was approach by another photographer to do a fun lifestyle and boudoir shoot. I was really flattered as I never saw myself pretty enough to do any such shoots, let alone good enough to be approach by a pro photographer. During that shoot, I had no problem getting changed in front of this particular photographer, who later asked if I would be willing to shoot nude, which in all fairness was a pretty liberating thought; however being from a corporate background and married with children, I declined. Why? Because of the fear of what others would say and think.
Fast forward a couple years when I had shot with various photographers (mostly amateurs) and started posing nude more often.
I was at work the one day and realised how wasted my life was. Getting up each day, dreading what I did, dreading the people at the financial firm, dreading contacting my network of people having to do meetings when I’d much rather sit and chat to them about their lives – rather than selling them the next “exclusive investment”. In the interim I also co-owned a separate business assisting people to invest in a diverse portfolio of investments (currency, precious metals, property, crypto etc)
I lost my rag a couple times at the office and one day Marc our senior manager called myself and a colleague in for a “chat” about performances etc. Marc was really lovely about my , non performance, yet I decided right there and then that I will not return or fight or beg. I phoned my husband and the decision to quit my corporate life was then made.
**I still have a financial company in which I am a silent partner, and still assist people investing in anything but fiat currency**
My vision and passion
I started investing more of my time (no pun intended) in photoshoots and created a website. Working alongside professional photographers, I have created a vast portfolio of images that have since been used and sold for marketing, art, sketching, advertising etc. Since this decision was made I have started to mentor younger models and fitness athletes as well as young individuals in various aspects of their lives to achieve their goals. I am a life coach and busy studying psychology to become a trauma counsellor.
Along with the above you may call me a serial networker, influencer and artist. My business now extends to assisting companies and brands with their marketing through my contacts and models/athletes.
Those Tellers of Tall Tales
Rumours will always be around. You simply cannot be in my industry if you do not have a thick skin. One thing I have made peace with, is the fact that you as the viewer and reader will make up your own mind. Whether I take my clothes off (and therefor a “porn star”), or whether I create something beautiful on film: is an opinion you have that I do not control. My aim is to create something beautiful visually. And furthermore to show others that they can “start over” – at any age. You are not limited to what you can do and when you can do this.
My personal goals are to inspire as many people as possible and to make a positive difference in their lives.
I do socialise a lot and therefore I will always be seen with several people. This does not mean I am romantically involved with them. I have two children one of which is at Uni studying art, and the other being gifted as he is; is at home school and a junior SA gymnast. Both are successful and driven children and both are very proud of me.
My family are all very proud of me. Some of them are very religious and others are not. They are my biggest fans and accept what I do just as they would accept another person in a different industry.
If you would like any information on any of the services I offer; feel free to mail me on: [email protected]
We are all guilty of hypocrisy. It certainly isn’t intended, yet we all do this.
I have yet again had a rant on social media regarding some
of my posts being deleted from my pages. Taking it rather personally sometimes;
I can’t understand why people would report my images. It’s art after all! If
people do not like it; then they should scroll past or unfollow me!
This morning I read a post that made me stop and rethink
this thought process. If you know me; you’d know I’m all about love and
kindness. About tolerance and acceptance. Yet here I am throwing a wobbly like
a three year old, because I am not having my way. Because people are unfair!
I was brought up by my mamma to accept that everyone will
never think the same way, believe in the same things, and feel the same.
Example being that different religions; one believes modesty as part of their religious
culture and that it would be a sin to bare any skin or hair. The other believes
it would be wrong to eat certain kind of foods. Does it make either religion
wrong or right? No. There is no wrong or right. Similarly when you have someone
who believes a high protein or Keto diet is the way to go, and someone else
believes that you should really only have a plant based diet. Neither is wrong;
you do what is best for you and what is good for your reality.
So this post I read that was posted by a close friend;
states that nudity will always offend someone. Will always be “too this or too
that”. There’s no point in fighting this as we are all human and all very
different. And it dawned on me that I am an advocate for equality. For
supporting one another no matter what your thought processes are – yet here I am
getting angry for people not seeing or believing what I am, believe or stand
Surely it’s disrespectful to dismiss other people’s point of
views, opinions and beliefs? Yes it certainly is unjust for those to then
preach what is wrong with what you do and condemn you for it; however we live
in a society – all be it unfair mostly – where we have freedom of speech and
beliefs. Therefore surely we should be more considerate of one another’s lives
and how they choose to live it; or how we choose to express ourselves. Though I’d
implore each person to look past the superficial and perhaps to dig a little deeper as to what others do and how
they live prior to condemning them; I’d certainly also suggest to move along
should it not be your kind of “thing”. You know? Like when you get an invitation
to the movies, but you much rather sit at home? Or you’re vegan and invited to
a Buckhurst festival? You would politely decline and get on with life!
Based on the above I’ve decided to acknowledge that though I
am on a mission to not only empower other women – to feel proud of being
themselves and in their own skin, but also not to care what other’s think; I
will respect the fact that not everyone agrees on nudity. I may not understand
why. I may not necessarily agree on their thought processes; I will however
respect their opinions and move on. Rather than having a tantrum as to why
people don’t see life through my eyes.
I will continue with my work. Doing what I do; I hope to perhaps have some see something beautiful in what I do. Some to change their perception on the nude human form. And if I don’t; that is also okay.
I am often asked about my tattoos and it’s certainly a great conversation starter.
You may notice that I have a few and, they are all rather random. What I love about it; is that each of them has some meaning behind it, and whilst not everyone gets it; I feel that I’m a walking piece of art with a pinch of my biography.
The very first (Mistake)
My very first tattoo was a home job; done by a high school friend. In fact, he bought a tattoo gun but wasn’t quite sure how to use it. I actually repel to think what we did. We used the needle from the gun and manually poked my ankle whist dripping ink into the wound. Mine was a cross.
A badly done cross.
This sat on my ankle for 2 years. My mum wanted to kill me!! Thank goodness my mum was only thinking that, as my friend’s mum took sandpaper and bleach to hers. She didn’t come to school for a few days after that, as her ankle was badly infected.
The second which is still the first
I then became close friends with Pieter who had his first
tattoo shop across the way from my house.
Pieter “fixed” my mishap of a cross and covered it with a blonde angel. This was for my 17th birthday – and he designed/created it.
An angel with a snake wrapped around her and my star sign (Aquarius) above her head. I still have this piece on my ankle. This represented me (I was blonde at the time), and life experiences having a hold on me (the snake).
Tramp Stamp Generation
A year later I fell in love with the idea of a ….dum dum duuuuuum TRAMP STAMP! Not any tramp stamp…. A TRIBAL stamp – which I designed myself. It was pretty and fluffy and feminine. And Pieter did it for me too.
I then decided I had enough tattoos… That was short lived though as whilst living in the UK, I wanted more I realised. This took a backseat since I had to “adult” first and raise two babies.
By the time I moved back to South Africa, I had decided I wanted a side or back piece (Only about 10cm big) of a phoenix. I have faced many adversities and managed to get over many stubbling blocks in my life time.
Associated with the Sun, a phoenix obtains new life by arising from the ashes of its predecessor. According to some sources, the phoenix dies in a show of flames and combustion, although there are other sources that claim that the legendary bird dies and simply decomposes before being born again
I went off to a recommended tattoo artist who
told me that the bird I wanted was never going to look the way I wanted it to
look, at the small size I wanted. So they set out drawing what they said would
be the right size…. My entire back.
This was beautiful, and powerful and gorgeous. And I wanted it so badly, I told them to go ahead.
5 hours later; my body went into shock. The outline was done, but because I was so very skinny at the time as well as 5 hours is a long sitting – we called it a day. After that day I had another 4 sittings with this tattoo artist. A couple years later I went to a female artist who coloured my bird; added beautiful tail feathers and extended the wings.
Shortly after that I had my first thigh piece done. A crystal heart that represent my household, surrounded by my husband and children’s birth flowers.
But the bug has bitten. A couple years ago I
went AWHE Tattoo’s and had my thigh piece added to. I am obsessed with geometry
and ancient geometrical shapes – and the meaning of it.
I’ve added two triangles that are meant to be
prisms with a rose inside of each.
One is facing up and the other downwards. Triangles represent the past, present and future as well as body mind and soul. Pointing up triangle means strong foundation or stability; pointing downwards would signify ascend from above/heaven. Upwards triangle also indicates male as downwards indicates female. This all tied together with a plant motive (although the triangles aren’t together they grow together)
My next piece is my Medusa.
In Greek mythology, Medusa was a monster, a Gorgon, generally
described as a winged human female with living venomous snakes in place of
hair. Those who gazed upon her face would turn to stone.
Though Tony and I stumbled across the idea, it has deeper meaning to me. And without divulging too much into that; it does represent a stage in my life where I have questioned male intentions.
Along came the skull. This piece is probably the only piece that doesn’t have a personal attachment for me. It’s F*#king amazing right?? At the end when we all pass away we return to bones then to dust. My pretty skull lady has my favourite flower (Orchids) on top her head and a mandala behind her and you can see glimpse of it through her eyes.
Flower of Life etc.
My next piece was my butterfly with the Flower of life and Metatron Cube. I am very spiritual and upon my journey to figure out what my purpose is; I have learnt that I am a 22 (in numerology this is a powerful number) and that I’ m a powerful healer. Metatron’s Cube starts with the Fruit of Life shape, and connects all 13 circles with straight lines. It’s named after Archangel Metatron, who watches over the flow of energy in creation and provides a connection to the divine.
My piece on my arm (which will likely grow into a sleeve) is
from my very favourite artist Chiara Bautista. Her art is a mixture of love
stories. To me I see the universe in all of them.
My latest tattoo is a vine-like plant on the right side of my body. This has so much potential to add to should I wish. I love plants and I’m rather surprised that I don’t have more on my body. Plants remind me of growth, Mother Nature, natural healing and most of all renewed love and beauty. Like second chances.
My next tattoo will be done on April Fool’s day. Though Tony
and I have a couple things we are adding to my art work; I still keep thinking
of new ideas.
I want people to want to take a closer look. Not think that it’s just another body covered in tattoos. Tony’s talent is beyond amazing!! I am blessed that he is my artist and has become such a dear friend. All of the AWHE team are incredible.
WILD WOMAN (n) A woman who has reclaimed her birth rite as an emotional and powerful being. A woman who does not confirm to societies expectations of her gender: but dances to the beat of her own drum.
She is sensitive and soft, fierce and honest. A truth seeker, wisdom carrier, and messenger of her ancestors 🖤
A wild woman is so many things, but this archetype is often misunderstood.
To every archetype there is both a shadow and integrated side
Wild women are mothers who have reclaimed themselves. Committed lovers who prioritize self-love and understand that freedom is an inside job.
Wild women are single women who choose to laugh, make love and play with whoever lights their spark, free of societal pressure or self judgment.
A Wild Woman with integrated qualities has a thirst for knowing herself and a desire to go deep beyond the surface of what we see as normal. She is fierce, loving and honest. She is a seeker, a wisdom carrier.
She is willing to walk alone to have what she deserves and she is willing to let love in when it arrives.
She isn’t wild because she lives a certain way, she is Wild because she lives by the guidance of Spirit and her Heart.