I’m not kidding. Not even once. When you hear some of the people who slide into my DMs requests, questions and statements you will stop and probably stay: “Never; who’d even say that?” The following are some of the latest DM’s I’ve received. For your entertainment of course. One can’t even make this type of stuff up. DISCLAIMER: If you see your DM here #sorrynotsorry 😊

Follower: What’s your PornHub name?

Me: Kitty Cattie 

Follower: I can’t find you. 

Me: I haven’t quite find myself yet.

Follower: Send Nudes Me: ………

Follower: Can you send pictures of your pussy?

Me: *sends image of a kitten*

Follower: The other one

Me: *sends an image of another kitten* 

Follower: NO! How old are you? 

Me: How old are you?

Follower: 21. And you? How old are you? How old?

ME: Sweety go ask your mum to teach you how to talk to a lady. You don’t ask a stranger to see their”pussy”. WTF is that even? You have the emotional intelligence of a 12-year-old. My son is 16 and would never dare ask a lady like this. Follower: WTF are you talking about?

Me: Precisely. Not smart are you.

Follower: No 😂 

ME: good night

Follower *sends two random images penis* 

Me: Why would you send me underage penis? 

Follower: Underage? 

Me: Please don’t disrespect me and yourself like that.

Follower: I’m definitely not underage.

Me: Your penis is.

Follower: It’s 9inches long dumbass 

Me: You’re the dumbass sexually harassing me. Stop being a sexual predator and forcing people to look at your ugly penis when you don’t know them!

Follower : BLOCK

Follower: God bless you and your beautiful body, I’d eat the peanuts outta your shit. (Me: to myself…. Thank heavens you don’t have to since I don’t even eat peanuts 😳😳😳😳)

Follower: Hello Alli, I’ve started doing photography and would like to shoot with you. How do I go about booking it.

Me: you can book with me. Below are my rates, just give me a couple dates that we can work around.

Me: “sends rates card* 

Follower: lol are you kidding me? You must pay me!

ME: IGNORE

Follower: Hey there! I’m planning to do a fitness shoot for my fitness brand, and would like to book you.

Me: sure 😊 Let me know the dates and I’ll pencil it in. Also below are my rates *sends rates card*

Follower: Awesome, will definitely book you. I will be in touch.

Follower: Can’t wait.

Follower: What are you up to?

Follower: I’m getting ready for bed, sleep well and have an amazing day Tomor.

Follower: Hey

Follower: Hey Sam, how are you?

Me: This is not Sam.

Follower: Oh? Who is this?

Me: IGNORE

Follower: I know says no porn ya but I’m guessing that’s for you but would you take a video like professional porn one with my gf and I and I can pay you

Follower: Only asking 

Follower: 🙈🙈🙈 

Me: No I won’t. 

Follower: Okay I was just asking.

Me: I’m a model. That’s my profession. I do not participate in private experiences and nor allow people to just join in on a shoot.

Follower: Okay sorry I was just asking 😊 

Follower: Would be mad if I sent you something

Me: If it’s nude then please keep it to yourself

Follower: I got told it’s small for my age 🙈

Follower: Can’t you tell me? 

Me: What I wish I could do is. know your real identity. Then post it with these screenshots

Follower: BLOCK

Follower: Fuck you

Me: Excuse me?

Follower: Now that I have your attention, let’s go for coffee beautiful

Me: Sure. Where have you been all my life? I’ve been waiting for you to come rescue me. I’m going to leave my whole life behind and tell my kids you are finally here to save us. I shall start packing up now. Where is your home? We will be there latest tomorrow morning 6am. It will have to be then as I do not want my husband to know. He’s part of the Italian mafia and if he finds out we may just become the pigs feed. 😳 Don’t worry though as I’ve told the kids you will be a better daddy 🥰

Follower: BLOCK

Follower: You are beautiful.

Me: Thank you 😊

Follower: May I draw you?

Me: That’s lovely of you, sure!

Follow: With your legs open

Me: Okay have a nice life

Not a surprise at all that I see my fair share of unwanted penis pictures. This is something that intrigues me for no other reason than the fact that I cannot fathom what it is about men and them showing off their genitals. Is it an ego thing? Is it a Neanderthal thing? What does the guy think is going to happen? Why has that become such a thing?

I have various ways to respond to that, including ignoring, blocking, reporting and deleting. Sometimes I troll them and sometimes the mum in me jumps out and lectures them.

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